Okay, first an update: I sent my rough draft of “Kira: Unbound” to a friend to read. I am waiting to hear back from him before I decide if I’m going to update my original posts or write new ones. Sorry for the delay.
Now to what I wanted to talk about. I am often thinking, dreaming, fantasying, daydreaming about different things. Little story blobs or plot lines or scenes. Some are nothing more than mist, here then gone, but others stick in my mind for days, weeks, or even years. Some of them I have allowed to slowly develop and others just sort of sit there and don’t advance beyond my original thoughts. I’ll share some examples of two of the longer lasting ones.
First is what it should be like to move to another place, some town or city with a vibrant art community. This came from watching one of those shows which follows a couple looking to buy their first place and in one episode it was mentioned an apartment they were looking at was located in a suburb which was considered the “artsy part of town.” So my imagination took this and ran. I have thought about the apartment I would want, where it would be located, how I would furnish it, even who my neighbors might be.
I would love a place you see located over a business on the towns main street. If it was over a little cafe of coffee shop would be perfect. I would prefer a one bedroom, though two would work as it would give me a guest room. I might not know all of my neighbors, but I would meet either an open minded single woman or lesbian couple who would introduce me to the local LGBT community. From there it would just be a matter of time before I met people I could socialize with, and make new friends. Most of the time I think about this, it is more about how I want to furnish the apartment, and being able to have people over for a “girls night in”. I know this is silly, but it does make me feel sort of warm and fuzzy thinking of having friends who know about who I am and accepting me without reservation.
The second is a bit more out there and maybe I will find a way of working into my current story or maybe as a stand alone story line…
This came from a conversation I had with someone about a little girl who had cancer. It isn’t a sad story because, thanks to an experimental treatment, she is now cancer free. The main point of this conversation was how doctors used a modified version of the AIDS virus to “infect” her and attack the cancer cells. As I said, she is now cancer free and all traces of the virus are gone.
This lead me to another line of thought. Since a virus can infect a cell and take it over to create little virus factories, why couldn’t they be used to take over cells and rewrite the gender information? To turn XX to XY or vice versa? From there it was just a matter of putting together a character sketch and then turning “him” to “her”. I haven’t really gotten very far with this one, just a few scenes in the clinic and private room, but I think this one has legs as they say.
This talk of my over active imagination brings this up; I have been wondering what would happen if I were to go to my next therapy session as female? My therapist has only seen two pictures of me, nothing more. All of my sessions have been with me presenting as male. This has come to mind several times but it has been over the past week or so that I can’t seem to get it out of my thoughts. I will mention I have to drive some distance to get to her office, but I doubt anyone would look at me more than once. No, it’s at the office that I start getting nervous. I am her last appoint of the day and when I leave the office is empty, but when I first arrive, there are other people there, often several children waiting with their father for someone to finish an appointment as well as at least one other therapist. I usually have to wait ten to fifteen minutes before my own appointment, I always try to be a little early… Most of the time they seem to ignore me, but then again I try not to look at them too much either. Still, it makes my stomach do flip flops thinking about it.
Doing this is a concern because the entire time I have been in therapy, talking about the fact I am one thing while looking like another, makes me feel as if I’m not believable. That anyone listening to me thinks I’m more than a tad off as it were. I feel if they could see the real me, they would understand and be more accepting of the truth I have only expressed in words. I don’t know if it would make any difference at all or if this is just in my head. I just can’t help feeling I would be so much more comfortable talking about things if I could just be myself.
I have nominated you for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award. Please follow the link below for the rules of this award. Congratulations.
http://marvaseaton.wordpress.com/
Thank you! I’m working on the post now and hope to have it up soon.
There are several places I can think of with a thriving GLBT community that would fit the bill. My friend hosts a ‘girls night out’ every couple of months in the Montpelier, VT area, and there are any number of TG girls & boys out in public every day of the week in the area.
I like that story idea… It could be a very positive story about people getting to be who they know themselves to be, but if you wanted to go full on science fiction it could also be a bit of an Alice in Wonderland nightmare story – what if that virus got loose in the population and you never built an immunity to it and could keep catching it again and again? You’d wake up every morning not knowing whether you were going to be a boy or a girl that day! Women would have to be in ‘bubble boy’ bubbles during pregnancy. Though it gives me a giggle to think of everyone having to keep two wardrobes for boy them and girl them. :c) The clothing industry would be thrilled! Of course, there’s also the aspect of ‘If I were a boy, *I* would never…’ that girls say and ‘If I were a girl, *I* would never…’ that boys say…You should run with your story, Kira – it has a LOT of really interesting ‘what ifs’ that you could do with it!
I would say go for it on the office visit. You have no reason to be ashamed, and other people’s opinions are theirs to deal with, not yours. The only hurdle I can see to the whole matter is the receptionist – if she can simply tell the therapist, “Kira is here,” that would work fine, but if she’s got to take insurance information every time that could be traumatic for you to cope with when you’re taking a brave step toward being the real you. If there’s no receptionist to deal with I would advise you to take that step, and smile!
I do wish I was able to travel the country to visit possible story locations in person. Imagine the places I would see and all the people I would meet.
I love your take on my story idea, as you said, it has many wonderful possibilities. I hadn’t thought of a world where such a virus got loose. It sure would turn people’s perspective on gender and gender roles upside down.
My original take on this was of a wonder treatment that could cure any disease, but the side effect was a permeate gender change. How many people would take it if it could save their life? How many would rather die then become the opposite sex?
You have given some great things to think about, thank you!
Kira
*Grin* I like turning expected roles on their heads… If anything I would say that’s the common thread through all my work, so I tend to think that way. Your idea of a miracle cure with a permanent change is certainly good story material… I can’t imagine anyone not choosing to save their own life, but on the other hand my life would get awful complicated if I was suddenly a dude!
The interesting thing was in thinking about this, I realized more men would be likely to refuse. I got that from having conversations with several male friends about if they would take a pill which allowed them to become women for a day… They all said “no”.
I forgot to replay to the part about going to my session. There isn’t a receptionist, the therapist come out and bring you back. There is just a small waiting area and though more often than not there isn’t anyone there, several times there has been a family waiting for mom to finish her appointment. There is also often at least one other therapist there for a short while. I doubt anyone would say anything, at least not where I could hear them, really this is just about me being nervous… after all, this would only be the second time I will have been in public and the first in broad daylight. I know the most important thing is to have confidence in myself and others will most likely take me at face value, but I can’t help but have a few nerves… this is another step to becoming myself.
Ah! Well, then. You’re going out in public in broad daylight. Simple as that. You’ll do 100% completely fine. You do the same thing as any other woman – dress appropriately for the time, place, and occasion, and wear daytime makeup (and not teenage girl eyeliner circles!). Let’s see… in town, business/doctor kind of environment… maybe a ‘just come from work’ look… There’s always wearing a wide-lapel charcoal gray blazer with a pretty white or solid-colored blouse and a gray or black skirt. Separates, true, rather than the coordination of wearing a suit, but appropriately dressed for a therapy session rather than a job interview, without the potential for ‘this doesn’t look as good as I thought it did’ inherent in a print blouse. I don’t know what season you are, Kira, but I *personally* love to wear red or cobalt blue when I’m going for a pop of color. Makeup for daytime – it’s all about the eyes in changing from day to night unless you wear scandalously colored lipstick at night too (I wear scarlet lipstick at night!)… Light color on the belly of the eyelid, darker on the outer corner of the crease and a light streak of the same dark color under the lower eyelashes and you’ve got a day look. Two shades of the same color, mind you. I have blue eyes, so two shades of brown for me, but if your eyes are brown I’d go with 2 shades of OD green and if your eyes are green I’d go with 2 shades of a muted mauve/lavender (no purple, grass green, or blue eyeshadow for days!). If I’m guessing right, you’re worried that people won’t take you as you are, worried that you’re not “convincing”. Honestly, the reason most Trans* get spotted is *OVER* use of makeup. You’re going to the therapist, not appearing on Broadway where people in the nosebleed seats have to be able to see your makeup. Understated and ladylike and you’ll be fine. Really, truly, completely serious. You will be fine. You can do it!
Several things…
I prefer going minimal on the makeup, as I was told, less is best and I totally agree. I happen to have blue eyes which allows for very subtle eye shadow. I look better in lighter shades for lip stick, usually a pale pink.
As for clothes, because my sessions are on Saturdays, things are very casual. My therapist is usually in a sweat shirt and jeans. She also made sure I knew I should wear whatever I am comfortable in. Although I haven’t gone all out before, I have gone to a session dressed in all women’s clothing. Much of what I wear is passable for either men or women… Solid color mock turtle necks and jeans. I do have a nice button down I’ve worn once and one pullover I got last week I’m thinking about. Both go with the several pairs of black 501′s I have. My biggest problem is deciding what shoes to wear.