Sorry I’m so late in getting this post up. I was away from my computer most of the day and this was the first chance I’ve had to get anything written.
I’m still riding the afterglow of the past several days. I finally feel not just comfortable with myself but a step closer to understanding what it might mean to feel complete.
I showed my pictures to two of people who know and they were very supportive, one even commented on how happy I looked and she’s right, I am happy. That alone has made this experience something I will remember for a long time.
Going shopping alone Friday was so much fun. True, I had to tell a little white lie or two, but even that couldn’t take away the feeling joy at doing such a simple thing for myself. I have to say there was one employee who went out of her way to help me and I truly appreciated it. I also had a chance to interact with two other shoppers who without thinking treated me like one of the girls even though I looked like one of the boys. After I left they may have thought it strange, but I felt wonderful and thankful for the way they made me feel included and welcomed.
As I said, my therapy session went well. I have long wanted to go into a meeting as myself, in looks and voice, to sit there and be seen as who I am. Doing so felt right. I was comfortable in a way I have never been before.
I know who I am, no matter how I may look, but to actually stand up in the world and be seen is more than I ever thought possible.
Speaking of this session… There was a question asked which has never been asked before and I wonder if it was prompted by seeing and talking to me as a reality and not some intellectual possibility. It was, “how long did I think I could maintain things until resentment and anger set in?” I didn’t have answer to that. In fact I hadn’t thought of things in those terms before. This is something I will have to think about. I don’t want it to reach such a point. Well, one day at a time, right? It has gotten me this far, I think it will carry me a little further.