I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this today or wait until tomorrow, but either way I needed to get my thoughts down.
There are times in our lives when we must make a decision. We can choose to take the easy way out or we can do what we must, what is right for ourselves and those we care most about.
I have faced two of these decisions over the past days and today as well. The first was to go out and face the world as myself, as I truly am without apology. The second was to talk to my oldest son about what I had done and why.
The first really wasn’t a choice. I did what I did not because I wanted to but because I reached a point in my life where I couldn’t do anything else.
The second was a choice. I thought to take the easy way out and in doing so I was dishonest and unfair to someone who deserves better from me.
Today I did what I could to correct that mistake.
I showed him the pictures I had taken and told him I had gone to my therapy session as he saw me. He asked me why and I tried to explain because it was part of who I am. He couldn’t really understand, so after some thinking I explained it in terms of superheroes who have a secret identity and that seeing me as I stood there, as he has always known me, that is my secret identity. But just like Superman, what he saw in the pictures was my true identity. It didn’t make complete sense to him but now he gets the basic idea. I think this may be the beginning of understanding… at least I hope so.
I told A about what happened when she got home, explaining that I hadn’t felt right excluding him. I don’t want him to learn the truth one day and feel as though I had lied to him.
There are going to be more difficult decisions in my future, I know this. I also know that trying to take the easy way out will only lead to more suffering than doing the right thing to begin with. I have an entire life time as an example.
Good for you for taking the first, and traditionally the hardest, step in explaining things to your eldest. Good analogy too. Congratulations.
Thank you.
My own view on decisions is that that’s what life is – a continual series of decisions. We can only ever make them based on what we know/feel/understand/perceive. Sure we often feel we could have made a better decision – but that’s with hindsight.
Some decisions are better made after doing more research – though this can lead to procrastination. Some decisions have a go back option – others lead to action which is one way and non-returnable.
Going out is, perhaps, more about your perception of yourself and your perception of what others might think, it has more of a ‘go back option’ – in that you don’t have to go out again. Telling your son was entirely different, one-way and not returnable. The latter was definitely the braver decision. To be honest, I might have chosen to make the decisions the other way round .
I do think many decisions are made based on the information at hand, but some are made with enough information to understand the options. That doesn’t mean we don’t come to regret whatever decision we make as much for why we made the decision as for the decision its self.
But we shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it. Looking back is an important part of the decision process – which is why, as we getter older, we become much more cautious, experience has taught us (or if we are lucky, we can learn from others).
Very true.
Good for you, Kira! Better to do it the right way and make sure the kiddos know where you’re standing than to let them find out through some other means and feel like you were sneaking around or something. That’s *much* more devastating than learning that a parent has a life.
I agree, at this point it’s more a matter of learning how much they can understand and adjusting the message accordingly.
Being yourself is the first step to living your life.
True.
I’m proud of you Kira fr talking to your son about it. You’re a great parent for oing that!
Thank you.
I’m proud of you taking what is one of the most difficult steps in your entire life. Congratulations! <3
Thank you.
Well done. My blessings on you, Kira. Sometimes the truth hurts, but not nearly as much as a lie.
Very true.
Every time I decide to wait until the next day to check out your blog, you always post about something huge. I’m proud of you for talking with your son, especially the way you couched things in terms he could understand. It’s a big step for all of you. ((Hugs))
I don’t do it on purpose, I promise!
((Hugs))