So Close, Yet So Far

One thing about closely following trans centered informational sources, blogs, news, websites, is there is almost always something being mentioned about hormones or HRT. This isn’t including the endless array of YouTube videos or various photo time lines shared on Facebook or Instagram. 

Not surprising, this is a subject near and dear to my own heart. There are days when it is all I seem to think about and they can be some of the hardest. The mirror is a real witch then and reflective surfaces of all kinds aren’t much better. Just knowing what I will see is enough to turn my stomach into knots and the reality either brings tears or such a level of depression all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

Recently this has become worse. You see, my doctor has prescribed spiro for me and this week he increased the dose to 100mg. The reason has nothing to do with being trans, it’s for my blood pressure, but of course I am all too aware of the “other” use it has. Now I don’t know what dose would be correct for me if used in conjunction with estrogen; from what I have read though, suggests as much as 200mg as part of an HRT regimen. I did mention this to my doctor, (the one who told me he wasn’t comfortable working with me), along with the fact I welcome anything which will lower my testosterone levels even further than they already are. (I should mention I asked for and received a blood test for my levels which indicated mine are on the low end of normal, which makes me hope they might fall into the range seen with HRT).

Now, if I could only get him to see the benefits of also prescribing the other half of the therapy, I might finally be on my way on seeing my true self looking back at me one day.