Like Forrest Gump so famously said; Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.
Some days you get double fudge and others you get that nasty toothpaste flavored one. The trick is to muddle through the toothpaste so you can get to the double fudge. That’s assuming that the bad isn’t too bad of course. More often than not I can make it through with just a few bruises on an already battered soul. Sometimes though, something comes and reopens the really deep wounds and it is all I can do just to breath.
Since I finally came to terms with who and what I am, the really bad days have thankfully been fewer and farther between, but that makes them even harder to deal with when they do come. That’s one of many reasons I started this blog, to give me an outlet for when things start getting worse than I can handle. Not the best reason to start a public blog where you open yourself to countless strangers, but that is what I did. Thankfully I made it this far without a really bad day and certainly not one of my worst.
Last night was a bad night, again not one of the worst by a long shot, but it was enough that I’m still feeling the effects. At times like these, when I do not want to be alone with my thoughts, when I don’t want to have to think at all, I pull up a music list and just let it run. Some of the songs lift me up, others bring tears to my eyes, some bring good memories and others bad. I want that roller coaster, that jumbled mess of emotions to shake myself up. If I play just one type of music I find that it makes the situation worse. I need to keep things moving so that my heart and mind have no chance to catch up.
As with my last few posts I titled this one after a song I really like, in this case it is “These Times” by SafteySuit.
I might post a list or two of the songs I have in various playlists, and yes I have a few! The song above is on a list I titled “Watercolors” after a short story I was working on at the time I made it. I haven’t done anything with that story, my passion for it kind of fizzled, but I kept the soundtrack as it were.
That is another way I work through things, I start a poem, song, or story and pour all my emotions into them. Like a control fire, I seek to stop a major breakdown by creating small ones on paper. More often than not it works.