Last week was an up and down roller coaster, but that’s to be expected. I had a chance to talk some things out and in the process I came to understand some things.
Right now I am, in many ways, at war with myself. The ‘new’ me and the ‘old’ me. The new me is like the phoenix, risen from the flames. In many ways similar to who I was before but determined to walk my own path. The old me is still with me and it will not go quietly. It is a creature of habit and fear, of suppression and denial. It wants to take all my hopes and fears and dreams and push them into a deep, dark hole and bury them forever.
I, the person I am now, can no longer afford to do those things. I cannot go back to the old ways. That is not who I am. I have to be honest with myself, to do otherwise is a death sentence. I know that without a doubt. Like a flower, I must open up, I must reach for the sun.
The road ahead isn’t going to be easy. Nothing worth striving for ever is. There will be good times and bad, but every step will be, indeed must be, forward. I will not except anything less because I am worth it.
That old me will always be there to some extent. I cannot rewrite the past, but with knowledge and awareness it will lose its power. I look forward to the day when I can look back and be amazed at how far I have come. When that happens, I will sit down with an Irish coffee and celebrate.
Todays song is “Transcendence” by Lindsey Stirling.