You know, there are things you read that slip from your mind as soon as you turn the page.Then there are things that latch onto your thoughts like that thing in “Alien”. You know the one that latched onto that guy’s face? Yeah, like that, just not as creepy.
That happened to me when I was reading some of the posts on “Pink Thoughts”. (There is a link in my blogroll if you want to read it for yourself, which I highly recommend).
The post is question is titled: Transstation Demarcation – Reloaded.
Although she talks in terms of Transition, I think some of the points Chloe makes are true for any Transgender person.
Without a doubt, each and every one of us seeks validation, that proof that the choices we make are the correct ones. That we are on the right path and going in the right direction.
Being Transgender is like being on a journey. (Yes, I know that life itself is a journey), but this is something that happens within the bigger story that is our lives. In fact, this is more like riding the train while living in a city. You live in the city and your riding the train while living in that city. Both are true.
As Chloe puts it:
Trans demarcations are "station points" we as Transgenders change which train of reality and truth we are traveling on. When we make a discovery, we are forever changed in the matter or view, and cannot go backward down the line. We can only keep moving forward.
The thing is, this train only runs in one direction, forward. You can’t go back to what was. If you try, you’ll get run over.
The thing here is the idea of “station points”. Places along the journey that mark when we have discovered something new that forever changes the way we think about ourselves. These are points in our lives, important enough that although we may be sure that we have reached them, we need an outside source to confirm it.
An example is my recent spat of doubts about being able to speak with my own voice. I felt that I had indeed reached the point that I was speaking for myself, in my own way, my own thoughts. That I couldn’t confirm this caused me to seek validation from others. This was my “Station”, the point I had reached and from which I would begin a new segment of my journey. Before I could leave I needed someone to confirm what I felt in my heart, that I had reached this goal in my life.
Once I got that validation, I was able to move on.
Her next point is spot on:
For non-Transgender people dealing with someone that is, its best to prepare yourself. The Transgender person is revolutionizing and redefining themselves, right before your eyes, each day. One day they may like vanilla, the next chocolate... maybe both? maybe.. none?
This is a really important point. We don’t live in a vacuum. There are people in our lives who have to deal with us each and every day and they may not understand what is happening to us any more than we understand it ourselves. They will be confused, scared and maybe more than a little angry. They may think that we have deceived them, lied to them, hid the truth from them. From the outside it is easy to see how they could take things this way. To them you told them one thing then turned around and did just what you said you wouldn’t. What they cannot understand is that when you told them something, promised something, at that moment you were honest. Since then you have moved to a new “station” and that old truth is no longer valid. You didn’t lie to them in as much you have moved to a new “you” that doesn’t see things the way you did then. Your reality has changed. The new truth is as valid as the old truth, but to them you lied to them even though you really didn’t.
If you find that argument confusing, imagine what some one who isn’t Transgendered must feel.
As we travel along on this journey we need to be aware that what we are going through affects not only us but all those around us. No one can take this trip for us, but we do not make it alone. Only through constant, honest communication can we make it as painless as possible for those who can only watch from the platform.