Keeping The Girl Inside (The House)


I’ve read the stories of people who, for what ever reason, are able to go into public dressed. They may be Cross-dressers or other Trans who express themselves as women at least part of the time. I envy them.

Of course, I would much rather step out of the door as a woman, not simply looking like a woman. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it just isn’t what I really want in my heart of hearts.

The other side of that is that I like being able to step out he door as a man too. (I know, have my cake and eating it too). That’s just who I am.

The interesting part of this is how I am finding my ways of thinking tend more toward one side of the spectrum than the other, but as of right now, I am not interested in going through SRS, I do not feel the need to make such a major alteration to my physical appearance.

What brought this to mind was a documentary on television last night. Unfortunately  I didn’t know it was on until the last half hour.  The name of the show was: “She’s A Boy I Knew”.

As expected, it brought up a whole host of questions from A. I answered them honestly, but I know that Transition is, and will remain, her greatest worry.

It also got me to thinking honestly about my own feelings on transition. Going over it in my mind, I still feel that doing so would not address my issues. In fact it would do little but put me right back where I am now, but from the other side of the fence.

I know people who wish to transition, one of them is a very good friend. I support her and everyone else for whom this is a necessary step. It just isn’t the right step for me. Not at this point. Might that change? Yes, but I cannot say if or when that decision might have to be made. I’ll just have to jump from that bridge when I get there.

3 thoughts on “Keeping The Girl Inside (The House)

  1. Kira,
    I happen to be one of those people who can go out as man or woman. I hate the idea of being envied (or pittied, another story for another time). I would prefer to be a role model or example for someone.

    As for going out, I didn’t start until I felt that I could handle it emotionally. I knew I could pass but that wasn’t enough. For some it is. Still I was scared. Now almost 8 months into living almost full time the tide has turned. I feel more comfortable being a woman in public. Being man scares me now. It’s become harder for me to think I pass as a man. I have to watch how I walk, my gestures, my speech.

    Another thing I have learned is that my transition is my journey. No one else’s. Yes, there are a ton of shared things but when it comes down to it you are in control of your own future. You point out that SRS may not be in your future. That happens to be my thought. Although that changes from time to time. If I have my way I would like to do this without surgery. Unlike a number of trans women I know, my genitals never caused me grief. And I’ll tell you that my wife prefers them too. Maybe after I start estrogen that will change again. I honestly don’t know.

    Take your time. Learn who you are. Do what you can or at least feel comfortable with. Above all enjoy the journey. Ask for advise if you need it. Also give advise if you feel you have something to say. After reading a number of your posts I really think you have a lot to say 🙂


    1. Rachel,

      Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. It is so good to hear from someone who is walking a path similar to my own. As for the envy, maybe that’s too strong a word, but I do wish I could do as you are doing. As for being a role model, you are by the fact that you lead by example, showing all of us that the most important thing is to just be true to ourselves. It lightens my heart to know that your are out there living as yourself.


  2. Kira,

    I am one who expresses being a woman all the time, in public and in private, from the moment I awake each morning to the moment I go to sleep and now even in my dreams, and it is getting easier each and every day. I really can’t add anything to what you said except that the point of the process for me is not just to reach the goals that I might have put in front of me, but in discovering what kind of person I really am willing to be for myself while I’m in the process. To me, that is what living an extraordinary life is all about.


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