I am at a point where I am ready, no, eager to begin to relearn who I am. I say relearn because there was a time when I thought I knew myself only to be shown that I didn’t know much of anything at all.
The past several months have been filled with the ups and downs of coming to terms with who I am now and coming to some slight understanding of this new place I found myself in.
I am doing a lot of research, reading books, web sites, forums, and blogs to not only learn the lay of this strange new world, but to learn what questions I need to ask myself to gain the knowledge I will need to grow into a person I can be proud of.
The first thing is to understand where I fall on the gender spectrum. This is something that is just a guess at this point given how new I am to all of this. I find that I think I fall into one area, but as time goes on, I might find that I will be in an entirely different place. I don’t want to try and shoehorn myself into one definition, refusing to accept anything else, and thus cause myself a great deal of pain and suffering. All I can do is look at where I am right now and let what might happen in the future happen.
As of right now, I see myself as Bi-gender. The definition of which is a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behavior depending on context.
It may be that what I am doing isn’t exactly what they had in mind when they cane up with this definition, but it’s the closest thing I can find to the reality of my life.
I am completely comfortable keeping things separate for the most part, allowing my feminine self free reign here online while maintaining a mostly masculine persona for the “real” world.
Is there some overlap? Of course, but it doesn’t cause much in the way of disruption in my life.
This post is a first step, a beginning point to a journey of self discovery that will not end as long as I have breath in my body. There is a great deal more that I will have to say over the coming days, months, and years.
I hope that others will join me and that together we can learn something of ourselves.