Setting Sail

Tranquility

I am at a point where I am ready, no, eager to begin to relearn who I am. I say relearn because there was a time when I thought I knew myself only to be shown that I didn’t know much of anything at all.

The past several months have been filled with the ups and downs of coming to terms with who I am now and coming to some slight understanding of this new place I found myself in.

I am doing a lot of research, reading books, web sites, forums, and blogs to not only learn the lay of this strange new world, but to learn what questions I need to ask myself to gain the knowledge I will need to grow into a person I can be proud of.

The first thing is to understand where I fall on the gender spectrum. This is something that is just a guess at this point given how new I am to all of this. I find that I think I fall into one area, but as time goes on, I might find that I will be in an entirely different place. I don’t want to try and shoehorn myself into one definition, refusing to accept anything else, and thus cause myself a great deal of pain and suffering. All I can do is look at where I am right now and let what might happen in the future happen.

As of right now, I see myself as Bi-gender. The definition of which is a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behavior depending on context.

It may be that what I am doing isn’t exactly what they had in mind when they cane up with this definition, but it’s the closest thing I can find to the reality of my life.

I am completely comfortable keeping things separate for the most part, allowing my feminine self free reign here online while maintaining a mostly masculine persona for the “real” world.

Is there some overlap? Of course, but it doesn’t cause much in the way of disruption in my life.

This post is a first step, a beginning point to a journey of self discovery that will not end as long as I have breath in my body. There is a great deal more that I will have to say over the coming days, months, and years.

I hope that others will join me and that together we can learn something of ourselves.

17 thoughts on “Setting Sail

  1. Hi.

    I call myself genderqueer, or androgyne, and tend to say that I identify as neither gender– but how you describe bi-gender? That sounds pretty close to something I recognize. So. There’s that.

    I don’t have any of the answers either, but I’m all about exploring and asking all kinds of questions. 🙂

    I’m Khai

    1. Hi Khai,

      Thank you for reading my post, I think that asking the questions is every bit as important as getting answers. As long as we seek, we strive, as long as we strive, we live.
      I may never have the answers I seek, or at least the answers I expected, but I will never stop asking.

      Kira

      1. I sometimes think that every time I get what looks like it could be the beginning of the answer, it’s really just more questions waiting to happen. Is this also your experience?

      2. Khai,

        I’m finding that this is like opening one of those Russian nested figurines; as soon as I lift on layer, there’s another and another. Take your time and work through each thing before moving on to the next. Otherwise you’ll you’ll end up running in circles. When I have another question that comes up, I make a note so that I won’t forget it, then get back to the question at hand. When I’m ready, I go back to the new question and work on it.

        Kira

  2. Kira,
    It’s an amazing journey that we are undertaking. It makes it all the best to share it with those around us undertaking their own journey. We’ll be with you sister.
    Katie

    1. Katie,

      Thank you, it makes the journey easier knowing that I am in such wonderful company.
      Come and take a walk with me. 🙂

      Kira

      1. Katie,

        I saw a cute pair of runners at the store yesterday. I don’t remember who makes them, but the outside was made of t-shirt material. Let me get a pair of those and we can run all day long.
        As for heels… well, as long as they are less than 2″… anything more and I fall over! :-O

    1. Ayasonice,

      Thank you so much. Yes this is a start, there is a long way to travel, fortunately I have a lifetime to get there.

      Kira

  3. Self-knowledge is always a good thing. I’ve found that what others know about being transgendered may offer me insight into who I am. But after all those theories are read and all those opinions considered, there came a time when I had to follow my heart. I know that I am transgendered. After that, I feel that it comes down in the end to personal preferences. I enjoy your blog.

    Best,
    Lily

  4. I’ve found that after others’ opinions have been read, and others’ experiences taken into account, that what it comes down to finally (beyond the undeniable fact that I’m transgendered) is a matter of personal preference. Follow your heart.

    Best,
    Lily

  5. I’ve found personally that while the opinions and experiences of others may enrich my experience of being transgendered, that the finer points of my own journey finally come down to personal preference. Follow your heart.

    Best,
    Lily

    1. Lily,

      I agree, there may be thoughts and opinions and best intentions from those around us, but in the end it is to ourselves that we must be true.

      Best regards,
      Kira

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s