09 16

Transition. This one word has caused me a great deal of angst over the past few months.

It’s one of, if not the first, things someone wants to know when they hear the word “Transgender”.

Are you going to Transition?

For A it wasn’t the first question she had, but it was in her top five. It is also one of her greatest fears.

Are you going to Transition?

So just what does this word mean? According to the dictionary:

Transition: [tran-zish-uhn]

1. Movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another; change.

2. A movement, development, or evolution from one form, stage, or style to another.

Go and look at wikipedia and you’ll get a brain full of what this word means for someone in the Transgender community;

The process of changing one’s gender presentation to accord with one’s internal sense of one’s gender.

What I found of interest though is to be found in the “Terminology” section.

Transitioning is sometime confused with sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), but that is only one possible element of transitioning. Most people who transition choose not to have SRS, or do not have the means to do so. Whereas SRS is a surgical procedure, transitioning is more of holistic and usually includes physical, psychological, social, and emotional changes. Some genderqueer and intersex people have little or no desire to undergo surgery to change

There is a lot more if you want to read it. You can spend a great deal of time looking into this not only on line but in your local library. It won’t take long for you to be overloaded with information, opinions, and personal thoughts from everyone from experts to Joe down the street. Spend a couple of months at it like me and you’ll have it running out of your ears.

When I first came out I was asked if I thought I would need to transition, (meaning having SRS), and my feeling was that, no, I did not need to physically become female. In the following months this issue became rather murky after I had spoken to more people, read more blogs and articles, and generally confused the hell out of myself.

I even had someone tell me that I was fooling myself if I thought I didn’t need SRS. Sooner or later I was going to have it done because I didn’t have a choice.

That sure wasn’t something that I needed to hear when I was the middle of a life changing storm of biblical proportions.

It has taken me months to understand what I really need to be a happy, whole person… that is for right now. I can’t know what the future might hold and it is possible that my feeling on this will change; but for now, right this moment, I have an answer that works for me.

What is that answer?

It is that I do not need SRS or HRT to be happy and whole. I do however, need to transition in other ways that don’t require making major physical changes.

I am changing, I am becoming more of the person I know in my heart that I am. I am willing to make and indeed am making many changes physically, psychologically, and emotionally.

They are nothing major at the moment, just things like grooming, clothing choices, and the allowing myself to think, to feel, and to interact with others in ways that feel more natural, more in line with what’s going on inside.

This may not sound like much, but when I am trying to shed decades of assumed behaviors, years of suppressing my true emotions, of hiding my thoughts and mannerisms, even theses small steps are major accomplishments.

That I have opened up so much would come as a shock to those who have known me in the past.

7 thoughts on “Transition

  1. my trans-daughter ‘transitioned’ three years ago…when she was six years old…when i finally got over it and decided she must be able to live as the girl she’d always known herself to be.

    for her, the srs is something she already knows she wants…for her, the puberty blockers to prevent testosterone from altering her body and brain is something we will soon be getting, for her, cross-hormones, gender markers on legal documents and a whole host of other things will become reality…but the ‘transition’ was truly only in my mind. and in the perceptions of others

    she’s always been a girl ‘inside’ where it counts.

    there’s no right or wrong way to become who you are
    that’s my motto and i’m sticking to it.

    1. Pasupatidasi,

      Thats a great motto!

      That your daughter is able to grow up as who she is really is a blessing. That she can do so with a loving mother and family is a true gift.


  2. About five years ago I decided to enroll in a weekend program for men which was designed to get to the core of what it was to be a whole, conscious man. Little did I know then that through this process I would finally realize that I had never wanted to be a man at all. We are faced with invitations like this all the time in our lives and sometimes they seem more like mandates, especially when they come from different people and under different guises. While it is my intention to go “all the way” with my transition, I heartily support you in what you have chosen as the path which makes you the most comfortable just being yourself. Deanna

    1. Deanna,

      Thank you for your words of support. Each of must walk the path before us, no one can walk it for us or tell us in what direction it lies.
      I wish you all the best with your own transition, you are a wonderful person and I look forward to spending more of this journey with you.


  3. Kira, While I have no experience dealing with decisions regarding SRS or anything like that (My six year old son clearly identifies as a male who likes to wear girls clothes and be pretty at this point), I think it’s important to encourage you to do what YOU need to do, not what others tell you you should be doing. One thing that has helped us out immensely in our journey is to simply ignore unwanted advice or let others know that we are capable of making our own decisions. Once we chose to do that, our paths became much clearer, and not muddled with the self-serving advice of others. Only YOU know what’s best for you. I hope that your struggle becomes less so for you. Everyone deserves to be comfortable and happy within. {hugs}

    1. hesparkles,
      I agree that ignoring unwanted advise is best, or as I had to do, no longer associate with the person (or persons) who insist that they know what I need better than I do. It can be hard to let someone go and move on, but sometimes that is all you can do.


      1. We did the same thing and it was with my parents. I mourned the loss of my family for a solid year before realizing that what I did was best for my son, myself and us as a family. It’s a hard decision to make and I still miss my mom a lot. I think she would be a different, freer and more open minded individual without my dad and it breaks my heart that my son has to grow up knowing that he doesn’t have a relationship with them because they cannot love him unconditionally. It’s all a part of our growth process though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s