U.S. Supreme Court backs transgender inmate rights

Something good to start the day

LEXIE CANNES STATE OF TRANS

THE GUERRILLA ANGEL REPORT — The U.S. Supreme Court refused to hear an appeal from the state of Wisconsin on its law banning publicly-funded hormone therapy for trans women inmates. A federal judge quickly stepped in to block the law after it passed. Later, the 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals struck down the law stating it was cruel and unusual punishment – a violation of the a U.S. Constitution. That decision prompted Wisconsin to appeal to the Supreme Court.

Since the court just ruled on the matter, there isn’t much more information to share at this point. However, I’d like to point out the importance of the Supreme Court when it comes to fixing anti-trans and other backward laws passed by the states. If you don’t vote on election day, the Supreme Court will reflect the views of those that do.

Court won’t hear appeal on hormone therapy law…

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Setting Sail

Tranquility

I am at a point where I am ready, no, eager to begin to relearn who I am. I say relearn because there was a time when I thought I knew myself only to be shown that I didn’t know much of anything at all.

The past several months have been filled with the ups and downs of coming to terms with who I am now and coming to some slight understanding of this new place I found myself in.

I am doing a lot of research, reading books, web sites, forums, and blogs to not only learn the lay of this strange new world, but to learn what questions I need to ask myself to gain the knowledge I will need to grow into a person I can be proud of.

The first thing is to understand where I fall on the gender spectrum. This is something that is just a guess at this point given how new I am to all of this. I find that I think I fall into one area, but as time goes on, I might find that I will be in an entirely different place. I don’t want to try and shoehorn myself into one definition, refusing to accept anything else, and thus cause myself a great deal of pain and suffering. All I can do is look at where I am right now and let what might happen in the future happen.

As of right now, I see myself as Bi-gender. The definition of which is a tendency to move between feminine and masculine gender-typed behavior depending on context.

It may be that what I am doing isn’t exactly what they had in mind when they cane up with this definition, but it’s the closest thing I can find to the reality of my life.

I am completely comfortable keeping things separate for the most part, allowing my feminine self free reign here online while maintaining a mostly masculine persona for the “real” world.

Is there some overlap? Of course, but it doesn’t cause much in the way of disruption in my life.

This post is a first step, a beginning point to a journey of self discovery that will not end as long as I have breath in my body. There is a great deal more that I will have to say over the coming days, months, and years.

I hope that others will join me and that together we can learn something of ourselves.

The Itch

Najdobra strategija za borba so celulitot 62719

 

Have you ever had an itch that you just can’t reach no matter how much you try?

It’s something you know it isn’t going to hurt you but it is irritating. It is distracting, keeping you from concentrating on more important things.

You don’t know what is causing it, your not even sure when it started, but once you noticed it, it was the only thing you could think about.

I’ve been dealing with something like that for more than a month now. It was a mental itch, an irritating something that kept jut out of sight and reach. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was or what was causing it.

True, I had other things going on in my life that kept me from really trying to find out what was going on, but I knew it was affecting me in ways I didn’t care for.

It didn’t cause my up and down emotional swings, but by distracting me, it allowed what should have been minor little bumps to turn into hills and sometimes even a mountain. It made things much more difficult than they needed to be.

And then something happened, something changed. It wasn’t major in the great scheme of life, but once I had dealt with that issue and put it behind me, the itch went away.

For the past several days, without the itch there to make things worse, I have found that my path has leveled back out. No more major up and down swings in mood, no more feeling a directionless anger that was out of place.

I hope that things will continue to get better from here, that I can start to concentrate on making the small changes in my life that I need to make in order to keep moving forward.

 

The Days Of Our Lives

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WhenI was a child I spent a lot of time with my Grandmother. Every Summer I would go to her house and we would spend hours talking while she taught me to sew and to cook. She did her best to get me over my terror of the ancient pressure cooker she used every Fall to can vegetables and make jellies and jams, (though I still have nightmares about that rattling, screeching monstrosity).

But the thing I remember most are the hours we spent watching her favorite shows.

When it was almost time for her shows to start, we would put everything away, pour some coffee or iced tea and go into the Living room where we would sit in companionable silence while the drama unfolded on the screen.

I’m sure that I am like many people when I say that I wish that I had known then what i know now. That our time together would one day come to an end. That there would come a day when I would wake up and she wouldn’t be there.

I would have tried to spend more time with her, to learn more of what she tried to teach, to listen to her advice.

I would have told her how much I loved her.

 

The Jacket

The Jacket

By Kira A. Moore

100 9714

The shadows on the porch are cool,

pimples the skin.

Reminding me that  I need to break out the

jackets waiting in the hall closet.

Each of which will demand,

by means of dusty shoulders and rumpled back,

to be taken to the cleaners,

where sweating and cursing,

a boy will complain about the  stain on the sleeve

of my wife’s’ coat.

The one my mother bought her

for Christmas and that she insists is,

“The ugliest damn thing I’ve ever seen”.

I think of the only time she wore it,

the marinara sauce dripping,

unnoticed, from the bread stick clutched

in my mother’s hand as she turned to look for the

waitress who promised to,

“be back in a sec”, ten minutes ago.

The shake of my wife’s head

when I thought to give warning,

“Now I’ll have an excuse to not wear it”.

For Whom It May Concern

Today has turned out to be a much fuller day than I had originally planned. That has turned what could have been a fairly lousy day into a truly great day.

I can say that in the beginning things started pretty badly. I was in a slump… again, and something I had thought might get  me back on track took a bad turn. The funny thing is, that bad turn had the effect of actually doing what I had hoped, but in a way I couldn’t have expected.

When something manages to get under my skin, I have a habit of brooding over it until I either get really depressed by the whole mess, or as happened this time, I get angry. Enough so that I started talking to someone very near and dear to my heart. Someone who has seen me in some pretty bad spots and has dealt with me when my anger was almost out of control. This is someone who understands what needs to be done to get me seeing things clearly again. That might be just letting me work things through on my own or giving much needed advice. Some times I simply get a quick kick in the butt, but I know that whatever is done, is done out of love.

It was that talk that turned things around for me. It got me pointed in the right direction and understanding what I need to do.

I have to admit that when I started out on the journey I had no idea what I would find. I could’t know the challenges that I would face or all the confusion I would have to deal with. I never expected the roller coaster of emotions, doubts, fears, and excitement that awaited me. I think I said before that this is like being a teenager again, going through all the crazy stuff that I had forgotten about. It’s bad enough that I have to unscramble all the things I have learned through trial and error, pain and humiliation from years of learning to live a life I never wanted and was unprepared to undertake. A life that was not my own, but one forced on me like a bad fitting pink bunny suit.

Through all of this I have somehow managed to not only keep my sanity, but to  move forward in many small ways. I have learned more about myself that I ever thought possible and now have a better understanding of just how much I have yet to learn.

Not everything is peaches and cream or rose colored glasses, but much better than the alternative.

I did want to mention something that I find interesting. I reached a point where all the noise in my head finally stopped, a point of quiet calm in the storm that had raged in my head for as long as I could remember. A number of people pointed out that I had reached some mile stone, some magical point in my journey where the sun shines all the time and happy music played in the background. Sorry, but I haven’t reached that point, not really. As I said, this is the clam in the middle of a hurricane. It is wonderful for what it is, but to allow myself to be fooled into thinking I will never face the storm again is a sure way for me to crushed when it comes. I have no illusions to the truth that it might very well return without warning at any time.

I didn’t claim this happy nirvana, others made that assumption and ran with it.

Even this period of calm has not been without it’s unexpected twists and hidden traps. Anyone who reads this blog will have seem ample proof of that. If I let my guard down for even a moment. If I fail to doubt myself, my motivations, my goals, hope and dreams, then I am setting myself up for a fall that I might not recover from. I know the truth of this. I have come close enough to the abyss that I know that all it takes is one moment, one mistake to find myself in a place that I might not survive.

I know this because I have been there, I have survived the darkest hours anyone can face and I cannot kid myself into thinking that I will never find myself there again.

I heard someone put it best: when you stare into the abyss, sometimes it stares back.

And now to something that has really irritated me.

(If this has been too long of a rant already, I apologize. This is about to get a bit longer.)

There are people who seem to think that if you only come out online and not in the real world your nothing more than a poser. A fraud who in some way is much lower on the Transgender totem pole than someone who is out living full time among the masses.

I say BS.

While I admire those who can and do come out and live their lives full time as their target gender, I am all too aware that for many people this simply isn’t an option. I do not judge those who feel they can only be themselves in cyberspace.

I am one of those people.

There are number of reasons for this and I will give them in just a moment. I think I have touched on this in other posts, but I guess I have to make sure and put everything in one post so that some people won’t have to connect the dots for themselves.

Unlike some people, I am not retired. I go to work every day and put in my eight. I do this as a male. I do this because it is what I have to do, not for myself, but for my family.

Simply put, I have responsibilities that I cannot abandon simply because i find them inconvenient or not to my liking. I have a mortgage, I have car payments, I have food to buy and clothes to put onto peoples backs. I have three college tuitions to think about.

All of this is real world stuff. This isn’t fun, it isn’t a game. This is what is more important to me  than even being happy when I look in a mirror.

If someone wants to judge me for putting my family before myself, fine, judge me. I simply don’t don’t give a damn what you think.

In the “real world” I live my life as male because that is what I have done for more than four decades. It is how I have made my living and it how those I work for know me. If I was to be selfish and go full time I would lose my job, simple as that. I would lose my house, my car, the ability to send my kids to college. The ability to put food on the table.

And it would all be because I chose to be a selfish, narcissistic jackass who cared more about what I wanted than what those who mean more to me than my own life needed me to be.

Call me self delusional, call me a coward, I don’t care. I will do what I need to do and if you can not or will not understand that, then I really don’t want to be around you anyway.

Sure, I wonder if I could live as a woman. I wonder at being able to “pass”. I would love it if I ever had the chance to try. But as long as there are people who depend on my male persona for their well being, then he will be there for as long as needed.

That is what a real person does.

That is what a real woman does.

That is what a human does.

In one of the Star Trek movies was a line that put it better than I ever could:

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.”

Because I am an adult, because I understand my responsibilities, because I made promises that I will not break, I will remain in the closet in the “real world.”

That leaves me one option to fully express myself; Cyberspce.

I was here in the beginning, with BBs, then the “internet”. I was here when everyone was waiting for this thing called the “World Wide Web” that was going to change the world.

I was one of the first in our area to join AOL when it became available.I remember 33.6 baud modems. I lived at 56k and thought it was incredible. Then came broadband and the world exploded. I remember the rise of Yahoo and Google, Amazon, and Facebook. I watched as Netscape crashed and burned.

I have lived a great deal of my adult life online. In forums, chat rooms, and bulletin boards.

I have found it much easier to interact with people from behind a computer screen. I hate trying to play all the social games when face to face with real people. I was always terrible at them and felt awkward and self conscience.

The written word is the best way I found to interact with others and the computer has been a god send.

I did not start out as Kira, nor did I represent myself as female until recently. I have had a number of sign in names over the years, but i have pretty much abandoned them all at this point.

This is the one place where I can be myself 100% and no one really questions me. I don’t have to “Pass”, I don’t have to dress and I don’t worry about my voice.

I’m not  jeopardizing my job and everything that depends on it.

I am who I am, period.

Again, if you doubt me, if you call my a fraud, a liar, a faker, or whatever name you chose, it does not change the truth of who I am.

Your opinion does not chage my reality.

Get over yourself. I don’t need, want, or accept your opinion of me.

For all of those who are like me, who for what ever reasons cannot come out and live your life in the real world, I say take this and do what you can with it. Living for a moment in cyberspace as your true self is a thousand times better than living nothing but the lie you are forced to live in that “real world.”

Take what moments of happiness and joy you can, where you can, for they may be precious and few.

And if someone tries to tear you down for not walking out your front door in a dress….

Tell them they can come and live your life, or else just  STFU.

Celebrate Your Milestones

WordPress.com News

Once in a while, it’s important to stop, catch your breath, and look at your accomplishments before you move on to the next thing — to put a stake in the ground that says, “I made it this far!”

Today, we’re rolling out a couple of notifications to help you celebrate your blog activity milestones. From now on, whenever you hit a milestone for how many followers your blog has (5, 10, 20, 50, 100 and beyond), you’ll get a badge:

We also created badges to celebrate when you receive lots of likes from visitors:

In addition to celebrating your achievements, we wanted to notify you when you’ve had a particularly good day for receiving likes or new followers. From now on, we’ll let you know of your best days for such activity:

Keep in mind that we’ve only started counting your best days this March.

We all blog for different…

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