Strange Days



This has been such a strange day, not bad as these days go, but not what I expected.

For one, I find that I am beginning to have better conversations with one of my female coworkers, at times it almost seems like we’re just two girls talking. Of course I have no idea how she sees things, but that’s just how I feel about it.

Also, talking with A seems to be feeling the same way more and more, and I actually know this is the way she views it too because she has told me so. I find this rather satisfying on a number of levels, but I remain cautious that I might be reading too much into things. I guess only time will tell.

Another thing is that I although I seem to catch myself doing one of those, “that wasn’t smart (insert male name here)”, I am doing so less and I don’t berate myself when it happens. After all, that was the name I thought of myself as for much longer time than I have as Kira. It’s okay to slip up from time to time, I am human after all…

I still feel like I’m not quite back in gear, there are hours on end when I just seem to be idling along, but I am starting to view them as a rest period before all hell breaks loose again.

When will that happen? Well the time when I can at least come out about this to a therapist, in an effort to get a referral, is getting closer and closer, less than two weeks…

I guess most of the time I’m trying to not even think about it. 

The very thought of telling someone else makes my queasy. I know this is something I have to do, something that I need to do. I simply cannot fool myself into thinking that I can handle all this by myself. If there was any way I could, I would, but I have to be honest with myself and admit that this is simply too big, too complicated, and too mentally difficult. I need someone who can help me get this mess straightened out.

Doesn’t keep me from wanting to throw up though….



2 thoughts on “Strange Days

  1. Acknowledging the good is certainly helping you get through each day. And though the bad may come again, the good will still be there in some form. We’re definitely human and we can only hope that things will begin to click as we live out our days the best we can.

    P.S. As I am an anime geek, I’m ridiculously biased to your choice of anime-style pics.


    1. Ren’Ai,

      Though I wouldn’t call myself an anime geek, I do enjoy several series and of course, I read a great deal of manga. The thing I like most is the art work, though the story lines are often much better than regular American Tv these days.

      As for hoping for a better future I think it is a matter of just making it through today. If we knew that things would never really change then we would quickly lose the will to push forward.


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