Journey

The Transgender community is incredibly diverse. This is our strength and our weakness. We come together in our differences against a world where the gender binary rules.

In many ways the majority has an advantage over us in they have an understood frame of reference in which to relate to one another. Men are biological males who identify as male and women are biological females who identify as female. It doesn’t matter where you were born, the color of your skin, your religion… Strip every person of these considerations and you can still tell at a glance which is which.

In the Trans* community, nothing is clear. One must search beyond physical cues to find the truth .

This can cause confusion as each person occupies a slightly different place in the spectrum. True, it is possible to place us in some overly broad, general categories, but they are little more than guidelines.

Honestly, I think of myself in transition as much in regards to how I self identify as I am in becoming the person I was meant to be. Will I see myself as female, male, or some mixture of the two? Maybe in the end I will find I am none of these.

I can’t say. Not yet.

This lack of understanding on my part is reflected in the way others seek to relate to me and the story I am sharing on this blog.
I simply don’t know where I will find my comfort zone on any given day. Sometimes it changes from one hour to the next. I don’t know what trigger I might stumble across or if the different stresses I deal with will influence how I am feeling.
Is it surprising I seem confused? If I seem to shift from one point of view to another or if there are unexpected conflicts?
One day I know something is going to click into place and I will know I have reached the right place for me. I don’t know when it will happen, just that it hasn’t yet.
I didn’t expect this to be a quick trip, but a long journey. I have been dealing with these questions, seeking these answers for less than a year. It took me more than forty years to get to this point and though I know it won’t take so long to reach a fuller understanding of who I am, I also know it isn’t going to come with the snap of my fingers.

2 thoughts on “Journey

  1. Ambiguity can be a hard thing to deal with. There’s a comfort in certainty and clear boundaries. On the other side, being totally fixed in one spot can lead to being rigid and closed-minded. Ambiguity brings with it adaptation, moving easily from one change to another. See, I can’t even make up my mind about the idea.

    Try not to overthink the journey you’re on too much. You’re right, you will get there eventually. In the meantime, you’ve got some interesting scenery to look at.

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