Just Had To Say Something…



Yes, I know, a third post, but in thinking about the past few days I had to wonder what set this off? Of course, my life being as it is, it could have been nothing at all, but I think I remembered one thing which might have started this whole mess.

Last week I got my first manicure and I am quite happy with the results. Needless to say, this meant someone was going to say something to try and ruin it for me… no ups without a down, right? In this case it was a female coworker, the same who has made comments about my nails before. It took her only about an hour or so in which we had been working together for her to notice my nails… I don’t know why she insists on looking at my hands, but I guess it matters to her… anyway, she noticed and just had… had, to say something she thought would be degrading.

Her: “You need to cut your nails, they look like a woman’s.”

Me: Thinking, “That’s the idea, silly”

What I said: “I just got a manicure, are you crazy?”

Her: “They look girly. Men don’t have nails like that.”

Me: Thinking “If you only knew!”

What I said: “ I don’t care what someone thinks, if they don’t like it, they can kiss my @$$.”

At which point she had enough sense to shut up and drop it.


Needless to say I was rather upset for the rest of the night. Why couldn’t this woman just keep her thoughts to herself? I don’t know, maybe she’s jealous. She has fake nails. 

I wanted to so badly to ask her and then remind her, “Sweetie, at least mine are real!” Of course I can’t tell her so and it makes me crazy sometimes.

It’s one of the things which washes through my mind every night at work; I can’t be myself there. I can’t just open up and let this woman know just who she is trying to insult and why it will never work the way she expects.

Speaking of which, why do people equate being feminine with an insult? Especially another woman? Sure, I know men will use this to try and humiliate another male, but why do women do it as well? I mean, what she is saying is; “I am going to try and insult you, to degrade you and humiliate you by making to equal to myself.” What kind of sense does that make?

Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe this is a glimpse of the dark side of a gender binary. Maybe this is something cultural.

Whatever the reason, I. Just. Don’t. Get. It.

27 thoughts on “Just Had To Say Something…

  1. Lady sounds narrow-minded. Being that she was on the job – she shoulda’ kept her OPINION to herself. You go with your manicured nails…Which reminds me – mine are loooooooong overdue 😉

    1. I’ve noticed there are some people who believe what they think is so important it just has to be shared… no matter other’s couldn’t care less! 🙂

  2. “Speaking of which, why do people equate being feminine with an insult? Especially another woman? ” i feel like girl culture has ALOT of hidden jealousy and bitchyness to it…like instead of women building each other up, its about making subtle comments that can tear at a person. maybe that is why there is a male dominated society….pretty ingenious to have women hating on each other…

    1. Oh, I catch the little digs and cutting remarks. I just don’t understand why women put up with it. I guess each generation picks it up as children and then we carry it on because it’s the way things have always been.

    1. I had to read this several times. I finally understand what your saying; if I presented as a woman she would have a better idea of what level of competition I was… but since I’m a straight “male” it isn’t clear. Fair enough. She doesn’t know who I really am…
      Still my point stands, why should we put up with this nonsense?

  3. Try not to take it personally – this woman is one of those who would have to put others down no matter if they were male, female, straight, gay, bigender, transgender, black, white whatever! And if it wasn’t nails it would be pimples or hair, clothes, shoes, what you ate for lunch or even your name. Unfortunately, there are millions of her clones out there and they just don’t get it that there’s nothing wrong with all those things I mentioned above but there is something wrong with someone who wants to put someone else down!

    1. It’s interesting to note, she says one of her children is gay… I don’t remember which… You would think she would be a little more open minded.

  4. Well she’s criticizing you because of a combination of oppositional sexism and femmephobia which is related to traditional sexism. With oppositional sexism, the two binary sexes must fit into two distinct and opposite genders and gender roles and anyone who falls outside of that is punished. With femme-phobia, traditional sexism has created a state where being a woman is seen as being less than a man so anyone who is acting feminine is downgrading themselves and anyone who is acting masculine is upgrading themselves. This is the root of trans-misogyny. If you haven’t already read it, I highly reccomend Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. She discusses these concepts in detail.

    And she’s probably jealous of your nails.

  5. have you ever read “whipping girl” ?
    a very good book which deals with the rampant anti-feminine sexist mindset that pervades our male-dominated society. written by a transgender woman too…
    very illuminating.
    of course when the boot camp sargeant says “alright ladies, get your asses in gear” to a group of males it is the same sort of denigration of the feminine.
    there are a million examples of this equating feminine attributes as negatives.
    as a gender-bending cis-woman i would have never understood what part of me is deemed feminine and what part masculine but for the societal definitions.
    fuck ’em.
    i am me. and don’t really see masculine or feminine, just human being

    1. I understand how this came to be, and I agree it’s BS. What I can’t understand is why most women continue to buy into this nonsense. If there was a real problem with the do called gender binary, it’s how it has everyone believing there is must be a dominate and submissive side to every personal interaction.

  6. Anyone feel that when a woman says something mean it really cuts more to the bone? ive been insulted by both men and women. When men say something its like, eh. But when a woman says it, somehow something she does makes it like knife in a flesh wound. Not sure why that is. Do you think its because women naturally are more manipulative than men are? I guess its just like when your girlfriend says you’re a “lazy bastard” you actually feel it more than when some dude says it.

    1. One thing to remember is men, no matter what they may profess to their friends, seek approval from the women around them. Man to man it is a matter of competition so insults can be shrugged off as the words of a jealous rival. When it comes from a female it is seen as a judgment of their appeal as a potential mate. Something else which can be blamed on the lizard brain. Another thing is the fact women have a much wider range of words to draw from and we know how to use them!

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