I was able to reconnect with one of the people I came out to before Christmas. It was such a relief to open up and talk with someone who I felt comfortable with. I will admit though, that I talked the poor woman’s ear off. As I told her, my nickname as a child was “Jabber Jaws”, (and if you got the reference, here’s a cookie!) We caught up on a lot of things and just had a wonderful conversation over all.
This is one of the things which has really changed in my life. For so long, as I struggled to understand myself, I slowly isolated myself. Allowing friendships and other relationships to slip away. Now I find I have a driving desire to get involved with life again, to interact with others. To share so much which has been shut away for far too long.
It is true that I often find I have to be careful of what I say and the way I am saying it. That’s the downside of keeping a secret, and I can feel the difference of talking when presenting as male and female, depending on the conversation. I can say this though, no matter what the conversation, I feel more comfortable, more confident in myself when presenting as female. It is then that I feel complete in how I am interacting with the world and those around me. When I am talking with someone I am comfortable with, someone with whom I find I can just be myself without fear, then it doesn’t matter as much how I am presenting, though there is that part of me which is still aware I am not there as I truly know I should be. This was the case yesterday and it was so freeing that thinking on it now brings a smile and yes, even a tear. I so wish every day, every conversation could be this way.
There has been so much talk over why we are the way we are, what forces are at work that shape us. Yet, I think in the end, none of that matters. To simply treat one another with respect, to be willing to accept someone for who they are… Isn’t that what is truly important?