If It Walks Like A…


I once wrote a post about how I thought I would look fully presenting as female. If I remember correctly, it was before I bought my first wig, when I had only a few items in my wardrobe. I saw myself, both in my mind and the mirror as impossibly ugly.

This was, I believe, one of the reasons I didn’t get the courage to go full time when I was younger. I was able to convince myself I would be ridiculed as soon as I stepped out of the door.

Remembering those times, and thinking about the fears I still harbor, I realized something.

Too often, when speaking about Trans* people, our critics tend to think in terms of; if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it must be a duck. When in truth they, and we, should be thinking in terms of the ugly duckling.

Given the chance we can show ourselves to be breath taking swans.

4 thoughts on “If It Walks Like A…

  1. Exactly, Kira. Trans* aren’t Trans* because they’d be better looking in the “opposite sex” (okay, that doesn’t make sense as a sentence, does it? I’m hoping you understand what I mean, though)… Let me try again… I know Trans-men and they’re not Trans because they’d be better looking as men than they would be as women. It’s not as if they have overtly masculine faces or something like that, they simply *ARE* men ‘behind the eyes’. I know Trans-women, and they aren’t Trans* because they’re “too pretty”…. and I know some non-trans women who are 100% comfortable in their skin whom nature hit with an ugly stick and non-trans men who are 100% comfortable in their skin who are blindingly “pretty”.

    And, you know what? Every girl I’ve ever met has insecurities about how she looks… I think that comes with being a girl! You’re already prettier than I am, and as you go about your transformation you’ll get *prettier* (dag-nabbit) because learning what makes you look best is part of every girl’s process. You’re just going through it later, is all. I made lots of regrettable wardrobe, shoe, and makeup choices in high school while I was trying to figure out the me I wanted the world to see on a daily basis, but eventually I figured out (mostly – there are still awkward days even now!) what suited me and made me look as best I could for who I wanted to be.

    So, go on lil’ ducky, you can do it – you’re going to be a beautiful swan. 🙂

    1. Robi,

      Thank you so much for this wonderful comment, reading this brought such a smile. 🙂

      I don’t know about being prettier than you, but I thank you for the compliment!

      And BTW, I always thought beauty came from within and you have it in spades!

    2. There is a song by Mary Carpenter Chapin from her album “Stones in the Road” that we often sing on Sundays at my spiritual community titled “Why walk when you can fly?” Time to stop walking like a duck and to start flying like a swan, dear Kira!

      1. You find a way for me to go full time without losing my job or my family and I’ll soar like an eagle…

        Sometimes you have to walk when it is too dangerous to fly to get to where your going.

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