Finally Facing Depression And Admitting I Need Help Dealing With It


I’ve known for a long time I suffer from depression. What didn’t get through my thick skull was the fact this isn’t something I can deal with myself, even with therapy. As much as I would like for things to be that simple, this latest episode has shown me I need something more.

Through therapy I have been given some new ways to work through mild episodes and they have worked to some degree, but there are times when it comes from someplace deeper, when I am sure it isn’t just a frame of mind but a chemical imbalance.

If I’m right, and from some of the things I have read I think I am, then I need to speak to our family doctor about medication. The thought of taking something bothers me, but if it can help, then I would be a fool to refuse to at least consider the possibility.

I will admit I am more than a little nervous when it comes to taking something designed to change the way my mind works. I worry abut it affecting my creativity. So much of my writing and art has been fueled by this negative energy I’m not sure what  might happen if it isn’t there. Then again, maybe something even better will come out. Whatever the case, I need to have a sit down with a professional and have these questions answered.

I have worked too hard, come too far, towards finally getting my life back to let it slip through my fingers.

38 thoughts on “Finally Facing Depression And Admitting I Need Help Dealing With It

  1. I have talked about taking medication with my therapist and she was very helpful in walking me through the pro’s and con’s (I ended up not taking meds after making an appointment with a psychiatrist). Doctors medicate away and after the initial interview do very little follow up. Plus it is hard to find a psychiatrist who is trans* sensitive. Your therapist should be able to do some research for you and give you a referral if you want to go ahead.

    On a separate note, I wish WordPress had a separate button for “hug” or “with you” rather than like. It seems banal to “like” your posts when you are having a rough time of it.

    1. I guess I’m lucky in that when it comes to meds, my doctor has always looked for alternatives or the lowest possible dose. He also does a very intensive follow up. I guess my only complaint is the fact he is a “he” as I don’t do well with male doctors, but I put on a good face since he works well with my sons.

      As for the “Like” button… I agree it would be nice if there were other options.

    1. Well, sometimes I think too much and worry when I don’t need to… Your right, I can stop or change if required.

      Thank you.

  2. Good for you! That’s a huge first step to recovery. If the first medication doesn’t work the way you want it, try something else. There is no ‘one size fits all’ anti-depressant. Can your therapist refer you to someone? Your family doctor, no matter how great, isn’t necessarily well-equipped to deal with depression but perhaps can refer you to someone who is.

    I certainly understand your reluctance to take any psychotropic drugs, but they can be such a huge help. And the meds available now are so much better than when I first worked in the field back in the 60s and 70s. Go for it! Just be aware that not every medication works for every person, so be patient. 🙂

    1. I am going to discuss this with my therapist and my family doctor. We have been working with him for years now because of my two oldest children, one autistic, the other ADHD, and I know he keeps abreast of current research. He also knows my history and current medications. Also, if there are any issues, he can also make a referral.
      The only other issue is the total lack of Trans* support of any kind in the area, so I’m nervous about bringing yet another possible point of conflict into the situation.
      I should add, I have not “come out” to my doctor so I am going to have to be very careful when I talk to him. I simply don’t know how he might react to my being Trans.

  3. I’m so glad you’re going to seek out the help you need, Kira. I know how hard it is to even admit that you need help in the first place! Hugs!

  4. this is a big world, full of a thousand colors, a thousand more shades of gray. this post suggests you have the courage and heart to reach great things. impressed and wishing you peace.

  5. See what the doctor says. Maybe they will start with a small dose prescription & see how that works. Every other day instead of every day or ? Start writing down your questions & concerns so that when you go to the doc you don’t forget what you wanted to ask.

  6. I had the same reservations — but I too got to the point where I realized that medication was necessary. It has helped me tremendously. And, I’m happy to talk more about it if that is helpful in any way.

  7. Absolutely~ I suffered from circumstantial depression after my best friend died and my asshole boss wasn’t paying me, I was a Hot mess. I really lost it and had a bit of a breakdown, well, a pretty good one, which was solved pretty much when my doctor put me on temporary disability, allowing me to get away from the boss. Anyways he gave me Zoloft which I had no intention of taking but I thought I would try it. My friend was adamant that I should not but I told her let me try it and I will just be very observant. It was a Friday, I took it early and had thoughts of suicide all day. Now as I was observing it, I was aware that it was the Zoloft and I could not drink enough water trying to flush it out of my body.

    Some people however have great results with Zoloft. Perhaps if there is a chemical imbalance it works. Since I did not, I do not know but I guess what I am saying is try whatever the doctor subscribes and observe how you are feeling. Sometimes they have to adjust the dosage or try a different anti depressant.

    I do think you may very well be helped by something. I am not an advocate of the pharmaceutical industry but it may well help, so it doesn’t hurt to try.

    Much love.

  8. I started taking celexa over the summer. Among other things its supposed to help with body dystrophic issues. It was the best decision I ever made and should have made decades ago.

    As for changing you, wont HRT do that anyways? Like the others have said, keep trying until you find a med, or combination, that works.

    1. I’m not sure if HRT would affect my artistic abilities or not, but antidepressants very well might. It probably wouldn’t matter as odds are I’m not a candidate for it due to health reasons.

      Regardless, I need to have a serious discussion with my doctor to figure out what is best.

  9. I used to be adverse to psychoactive medications, but the fact is that our brains are a soup of chemicals. Sometimes, altering the ingredients of the soup is necessary to get it tasting “just right.” Start slow, don’t let them give you too much too soon, and you could find some real relief.

  10. I’m glad you’re going to get separate help dealing with this illness. Because that’s all it is: an illness like Diabetes, or any other chronic condition. Your brain chemistry is a little wonky, and the medications are designed to make the brain chemistry work correctly. The hard part is figuring out how wonky and how much (or how little) medicine you need. I don’t think it’ll change how your brain works; it’ll just make you more stable emotionally. ((Hugs))

    1. “Wonky”… That is the most polite way to put it 🙂
      I have always just said I was “one messed up duck.” Lol!

      Considering how off kilter other aspects of my mind are, I’m often surprised it has worked as well as it has… but then again, if I were “normal” I wouldn’t be me. 🙂


  11. Kira, if your creativity was fueled by negative energy, how much more will it be with positive energy…what will happen if you are release within into a pool of bliss, You inner beauty is there and already exists, not everything has come just from negative energy, you care, you care about yourself, and others. You share, and to share you have to feel love deep within. You have shown a self-less heart, which touches many! You are unique and you will only blossom more because when the negative energy and the positive energy blends together you will see your true self. None of us are perfect, we walk a fine line in our lives…you must find and embrace a happy medium…a true balance and that will indeed renew you in ways you have never known, and you will come to love it! Much love to you always my sister! God bless!

  12. Kira, I believe that medication is sometimes needed to get us out of the trenches long enough to do the work we need to do on a deeper level. Once that work is done, the medication is no longer necessary. The emerging field of neuroplasticity has shown us that the brain can change itself at any age (which means changing the way that various biochemicals and hormones are released into our systems). Going about the process of changing the brain is not always easy and a jump start is often in order.

    It seems to me that you are right in the middle of a transition that is challenging you to find what you already know lies within you . . . to find balance between the darkness and the light that is our humanity. Medication may very well be what you need to give yourself room to breathe, while you are working through your transition. You are a beautiful soul, Kira. And your gifts are yours to keep, including your creativity. I would encourage you to let that concern pass away and do what your inner guidance tells you is best for you in the long run.
    Many blessings to you and all that you do!
    Love & Light, Sloan

    1. I am hoping to find out something today, it may just be that I need to have a consult, but even that will be a step taken.

      1. Well, prayers and positive thought energy are coming your way from New Mexico! Many blessings to you, Kira. S

  13. Hi Kira…Me and my husband had been through depression therapy, too. I didn’t take pills, but he did. I can say that honestly, I appreciate our therapist’s help. In times of recession she even gave us a discount to see her because we were having marital problems due to depression. After 6 months of seeing her, I am dealing with myself much better than before. I have learned to accept myself the way I am, and when I did that, it felt much better to live each day and avoid being depress. 🙂 My husband is dealing with a different type of stress and depression so he had to take pills. It’s been 2 months and so far I can say that the pills help him relax but it didn’t solve his personality problems. He’s working on it and I can see the big change in him. It takes time to process depression, and we need to be aware of it , not deny it. I wish you patience and hang on there. Take care.

    1. Thank you, Nessy, for sharing your story, I really appreciate it. It never hurts to know there are others dealing with many of the same issues and we are not as alone as we often think we are.



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