But I’m Not…

Today has been a roller coaster with my emotions all over the place. The smallest things set me off in a fit of anger and the next minute I’m crying for no reason. This would be understandable if I were on hormones, but I’m not…

Anyway, I’ve been looking for inspiration, some emotional connection. Maybe just a feeling of being understood on some level I can’t explain. I know part of it is not having anyone to sit down and talk to, someone who knows what I am experiencing on a day to day basis. Though being able to share things here, there is just something deeper when you can look someone in the eye, listen to their voice… There are many reasons why I hate the place where I live, the weather, the attitude, just the whole vibe of the place, but what I hate mere than anything is the total lack of a support system. No groups to go to, no activities, no chance to interact with those in the real world who share a reality, an experience.

Okay, I have talked about this before, and yes, I am whining. I just feel so isolated and it is depressing… Not like I haven’t been dealing with this for more than a year now and it isn’t likely to change anytime soon.

So I am doing the only thing I can, looking online. Not the best answer, but better than nothing. I found the webcomic Venus Envy and am up to Feb. 2003. There is a lot here I can relate to… I am also going back and reading Wandering Son, (Hourou Musuko), as well as watching the television series on Crunchyroll.

I know, I know, I have mentioned this manga/anime a number of times but I have such a connection with the main character. I feel as if I am watching myself sometimes… if I spoke Japanese…

Ack… I blame my lack of emotional control for this post, I really do…

I hope to hear from my muse soon so I can write a poem or two for posting later today, we’ll just have to wait and see…

Until Later,


12 thoughts on “But I’m Not…

  1. I listen to my favorite astrologer earlier, I had a bad day, the first in like 5 weeks of great days, anyway, here is a bit.



    Happy Easter Weekend! And what a weekend it promises to be! On Sunday we have 7 planets at 11 degrees (Saturn at 10+)! If you have anything at 11 degrees of any sign you will be tied into the master harmonic of 11! Alleluia! With this Sun, Venus, Mars, Uranus conjunction occurring in Aries just about anything can (and will) happen. Best to stay chill and remain calm as everything around you goes berzerk. If you’ve been suppressed lately, this will definitely be a time to release that pent up energy! Just try not to blow all the doors off and burn bridges abruptly.


    1. I am doing better, thank you…

      As for my muse, well she is fickle and demanding, fun and stubborn, I wouldn’t have her any other way. 🙂

    1. Thank you! 🙂

      BTW, I share pretty much everything when it comes to my thoughts regarding being Trans*, it is only some personal things in real life I cannot talk about because either they might lead to my being outed or involve others who wish to keep tose things private which I do not talk about.

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