I Am A Human Being Before Anything Else And That Should Be Enough.

I read a post today titled: “The Transgender Realm“. The point of this was to ask that we as Trans* people not be offended or defensive when cisgender people ask us questions. After all, people are naturally curious about things they don’t understand and so they will ask questions. 

I can understand the sentiment behind this thought and I agree we should at least try to answer some basic questions. What I don’t understand is why some people think this gives them the right to ask ever more invasive questions and to have them answered when, if it were them being asked, they would be offended.

I don’t have a problem with talking about how I see myself or what feelings I have, but I don’t think you need to know if I am on hormones or have had / are going to have, any surgery. A simple rule of thumb, stop and think for a moment about if you would be offended if someone asked you the question your about to ask me. If the answer is “yes” or “maybe”, then don’t ask or else don’t be surprised if I am.

Now, since we are speaking of questions, I have something I would like to know…

Why is it any cisgendered person or straight person feels they have a right to demand to know why I am the way I am? Do I ask you why you are the way you are? Should I feel free to make assumptions about you, what you wear, who you sleep with? 

This argument of it being my or anyone else’s responsibility to help you understand who and what we are doesn’t wash. It isn’t my responsibility to provide your education, it is yours to take the time and make an effort to learn for yourself just as we have done. 

And one last thing…

My desire to enjoy the same rights and privileges as everyone else shouldn’t depend on my willingness to be a poster girl for Trans people or the LGBT community. 

I am a human being before anything else and that should be enough.

27 thoughts on “I Am A Human Being Before Anything Else And That Should Be Enough.

  1. Well said my friend. I had this conversation today with someone and I said the same thing. It’s not my job to educate you. If you want to know something, fine ask, but don’t pry into my life like it’s your business. If you wonder how it feels or what some processes are, go do your homework(in my case it was about race and such). Speak your piece-I support you. I have many friends in this community and they all tell the same thing-why do straight people feel the need to force and bombard their questions like it’s okay?! It’s no and privacy works both ways.

  2. There is a great book called “The Riddle of Gender” by Deborah Rudacille. She is a cis straight woman science writer, but the book is good to give or recommend since it covers the history of transsexuality and transgender rights, the medicalization of trans*, and includes a lot of interviews with trans men and trans women. It is also well written, so it makes a good read. When someone starts in with the questions I tell them to read it first, and tell them we can discuss it afterwards…

    1. I believe it best when people seek to come to an understanding through mutual respect, each of us wishes to be seen as our true selves, as more than just our appearance, our physical presence. One day it will be gone and all we can leave behind are the memories of those we have touched throughout our lives.

      1. Correct..I think everyone should have the right to be their true selves and not be condemned. Respect is also key, think first before you ask your question is this an intrusive question if no then ask. 🙂

      2. I think people need to ask themselves, “how would I feel if someone asked me this?” Makes things a little different, doesn’t it? 🙂

  3. Also I want to point out that I won’t ask them why they are having sex change surgery unless I was close to them…its a too personal of a question for a mere aquaintence.

  4. I have had the notion shoved on me by both my sister-in-law and more recently by my sister that I should be more tolerant with “cis gender (my term not theirs) people, especially family members yet at the same time they are unwilling to be equally tolerant with what I am having to deal in finally being able to be “me.” It took time but I had to learn to not take it personally and to love them unconditionally. That is what I meant in a recent post on my blog as the difference between”acceptance” and just mere “tolerance.”

  5. You put it very nicely and beautifully!! Human emotions are can not be quantified by a number or some specific questions!! It is too complex and to intricate to explain. We can not explain why we are the way we are and it applies to everyone. Rather than going to find out why some one is like this, we need to accept them with out much of questions!! That is the greatness of a human!!

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