Response

I spent time witting a comment to a blog post in which the writer was railing against Transwomen. It was much of the same arguments I think we have seen before, but this time I felt compelled to make a comment. 

Me being me, I couldn’t let it end there. I continued to think about it and I had to ask myself why did this bother me so much? Why did I have to say anything at all? It certainly wasn’t for her, I know nothing I could say in a comment would have any affect on her thoughts, so why?

Because I needed to do it for me.

I cannot speak to this person or other like her face to face, I’m not sure I would if I could. But her word, like so many before her, are meant as a personal insult. They are deigned to be a burr under the saddle, a pea under the mattress. They so often echo the same questions I have asked myself, some of which I could answer and other I could not. They feed doubt and anxiety. Spotlight fears and insecurities.

I needed to rise up and defend myself.My sense of who I am, who I know myself to be in spite of anything and everything which insists I’m something else… Against a life time of lies and barriers, of false images of who others thought I should be…

 

Then it struck me. I am a creature of the digital age. An avatar made of electrons and light. Somewhere behind the screen I inhabit a physical space, but you cannot see this. I exist here as pixels on glass… just a ghost, a spirit passing in the night. 

Now, in this time and in this place I am as close to existing as a being of pure energy, pure intellect, as it is possible for a living human to obtain. My material body is inconsequential. It is only my thoughts which matter. Only they have weight and consequence.

 

More than anything I needed to assure myself I exist… Not just within the hallways of my mind, but out there, in the world, side by side with other human beings.

That is why I had to respond.

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