I’m not sure where I’m going with this so if it gets too confusing, I apologize.
In my last post I said I wasn’t complaining, I wasn’t and I’m not. I guess I’m just confused as to how people respond to me. I don’t mind being seen as androgynous, and I love being properly gendered regardless of how I happen to look. The main thing is I don’t see much of a difference between how I am now compared to before, other than maybe more fully embracing who I am on the inside and this is being reflected in outer ways which people are noticing.
I have spent the past two years reading pretty much anything I can find regarding gender, the differences between masculine and feminine, between how society views the male/female binary. At times I have felt liberated by this knowledge and others I have felt smothered.
It seems so pointless, all of the “you should be this way” or “you should be this way.” What are such things based on? Our perceived understanding of what it means to be male or female?
Just where does such “understanding” come from? Our parents, grandparents, siblings, family? What about advertising? Television? Movies? Books? Magazines? Radio? the Internet? Is it just part of the natural order?
I think it’s a combination of all these things. Bits and pieces pasted together as we grow from children into adults. For good or ill we tend to follow what we see and hear. All of the little cues and lessons, many we don’t even notice until it’s habit.
This usually isn’t an issue as the majority of people tend to fit into their respective boxes, blue or pink. (Though not too long ago even those were reversed to what we know today). It is when a person doesn’t find such things comfortable or acceptable, when we push the boundaries or break them all together. Then we see these constructs for what they are. Yet we will try, sometimes dying in the attempt, to be the same as everyone else. Too often not having the words to explain how we feel or why. Turning ourselves inside out to be something we are not and never were. To fit in. To be “normal” even though no one can tell us just what “normal” is.
If one insists on claiming the majority as the measure of what is normal, I wonder if they realize a few things?
It is normal to be other than Caucasian.
It is normal to live someplace other than North America or Europe.
It is normal to speak another language than English, Yes, even the bastardized version we speak in the U.S. of A.
It is normal to follow another faith besides Christianity.
Unfortunately, as with so many other things, the majority of people in the U.S. seem to believe they are the center of the universe and everything revolves around them. So what is “normal” to the average caucasian, heterosexual, Christian, American must be “normal” for everyone else as well and if it’s not? Well then they are clearly wrong, deprived, mistaken, mislead, misguided, and not capable of understanding the true nature of the world.
They feel comfortable sitting back and passing judgment on any and all who are not just like themselves. Who think differently, feel differently, love differently. Those who find themselves outside their neat little boxes in their neat little, orderly world.
These are the people who will swear to their god above they are not racist because they have a “black” friend. They are not homophobic because they have a “gay” friend. They aren’t bigots even when their every word and action is dripping with hatred and scorn, after all, everyone has a right to live their lives right? Only as long as it meets their expectations and approval.
When faced with something they do not understand and have not experienced for themselves, then it must be wrong. A delusion. A mental illness. A sickness. A conspiracy. A trick or game. Never mind it might be something they could learn about. Come to understand with some effort. Nothing worth having is ever easy and this includes opening your mind to possibilities you might never have considered.
It’s much easier to be dismissive.
To be hateful.
To be hurtful.
So much easier than making the effort to be an understanding, thoughtful, considerate, human being.
To actually practicing what you preach… “To do unto others as you would have done to you.”
But I guess such things are just too much to ask, aren’t they?