Today I went out for the first time other than for Halloween. It wasn’t for very long, just a short shopping trip to Ulta but I went on my own and had a very pleasant time.
I think the most nervous time was walking across the parking lot but once I was in the store I was fine. Shari was on her lunch break and JT now works at another store so I spent time talking to some of the other employees and received some very good advice on skin care and makeup choices. Shari did come back and we had a chance to talk and I’m glad we did. She assured me on several points, one my voice is fine, she has spoken to a number of women who’s voices are much deeper than mine. Also my presentation isn’t a problem, I come across as confident and sure of myself. My walk is fine and the way I carry myself doesn’t draw attention to me, which is a long winded way of saying I can go out of the house without scaring small children or animals. She agreed, I’m my own worse critic and I will be bound to be over sensitive to others reactions, at least for awhile until I’m use to being out on my own. So again, it’s all about small steps. I have taken one more now and returned in one piece which does give my confidence a nice boost. Of course I have yet to go into a major retail store such as Target or Wal-Mart, but I really don’t have a reason to concerned. As long as I maintain my poise and am certain I belong wherever I am, no one should have a reason to think about me twice.
I will admit it is going to be a slow process until I am presenting this way the majority of the time, yet I can see it happening. It isn’t if anymore but when.
One other little note here, I have spent more than half the day as Kira and the kids seem to be taking it better than I expected, maybe, just maybe seeing the reality on a regular basis will prove to be no less noteworthy. As with anything, only time will tell.
The important thing to me at this moment is how comfortable I am in my own skin. I know this isn’t optimal, still it is enough for me now. Before today the thought of walking out in broad daylight as myself set my stomach into knots, yet when I was getting ready to go out, there was nothing but a pleasant feeling for getting out of the house for a time.
This is how I would like for it to be everyday and I think it will be.
Oh, I almost forgot… I bought some NYX Photo loving primer and NYX Stay matte but flat liquid foundation, both quite affordable too as they were buy one, get one 50% off.
Oh, and yes, after all of these years of wondering if I could ever walk in public and be seen as a woman…
I now know…