Really? No, Really?



Ok, maybe it’s just me but why does it seem when you talk about being Trans, either gender or sexual, the first thing which pops into a persons head is you wearing a dress?


I was speaking to someone about my weekend, which I find to have been somewhat of a mixed bag. On one hand I spent to majority of my time as Kira. What this means is Saturday I wore a hooded pull over, jeans, and boots.(See included Picture). Sunday I wore a turtle neck sweater, jeans, and boots. I also have silicone “fakes” which happen to be an A cup because lets be honest, a flat chest just doesn’t cut it, girls… otherwise who would wear a padded bra in the first place?

Anyway. The point being, I wanted to be just another girl out and that’s the way I dressed. I didn’t even bother with make up, it was just too cold to worry about it and no one even noticed.

Oh, and I wore my hair of course. I wouldn’t step out without it.

So, I mention this to one girl I know and she wonders what I mean by being “dressed” so I described what I wore and I think she got it. I told another girl I work with and the first thing she asks.. “Did you wear a dress?”


In this weather?

“No”, I told her and described the outfits I wore. I explained I only own one dress and I wouldn’t wear it with temps in the teens. 

Still, I have to wonder, where does this image come from? Even after I have said more than once I prefer jeans or dress pants some people still think I’m playing dress up or something. Just who do they think I am, Barbie?

Then again this was the same woman who asked me if I was going to show up at work in a skirt… I’m a flipping custodian, not a runway model.

I swear, no matter how open minded people try to be they can still find some way to be offensive without even trying. I thought I had explained, more than once, this isn’t a game. It isn’t a joke. It is who I am and it is deadly serious… but I guess some just can’t get past the stereotype which has been a constant meme in our society.

I find it frustrating and rather sad, really.

I suppose it’s to be expected, when I mentioned having to travel to seek out proper medical treatment, the first thing I was asked, “you mean surgery?”

No. I was speaking of HRT.

16 thoughts on “Really? No, Really?

  1. People can be very small minded and the assumption that a MTF transgeder does this simply because he wants to wear skirts is infuriating. Every woman, genetic or transgender dresses according to the occasion and/or her personal taste and style. i would no more wear a skirt out in cold weather tha i would wear heavy jeans on a hot summer’s day! i wear dresses, skirts, shorts and jeans or pants according to what i consider suitable and it annoys the hell out of me also Kira when i get asked the sort of inane questions you write about here!

    1. The difficult part is to not get angry or hurt, but to use the opportunity to educate. It isn’t easy and it takes time, yet I think it’s worth the effort.

  2. Like you mentioned its the stereotype or the definition people have in their head about what it means and apply it to you. Doing so without even thinking of you as an individual just as the stereotype.

    It happens a lot in our society all the time not only with transgenders. It is better to educate and make people see you as a person and therefore understand what it means to you than to get anger or upset about it. Just one of those ugly facts about people 😦

  3. There is a great deal of ignorance about gender dysphoria and what it really means. I came out to my audiologist recently, because I won’t see her for another year and by then I will be full time and legally female. And she had genuine questions, not mean spirited ones, so I answered to the best of my ability. She had no idea the process was as long and complicated as it was and I explained that there are checks along the way for both the patient and the therapist to be sure that someone is making the right choices. When I explained everything in that light, she got it and the light bulb seemed to go on.

    One problem is that people confuse cross dressers with transsexual individuals. Cross dressers simply enjoy dressing in a feminine manner, sometimes an extreme feminine manner as with drag queens. But transsexual women are just women, in the brain where it counts. And what they are doing is undergoing medical processes to align body and brain.

    People really don’t understand how mentally jarring being trans actually is but occasionally a cisgender person figures it out. Chloë Sevigny, who played a pre-op transsexual in the British mini-series “Hit And Miss” said she cried each time they attached that prosthetic penis to her and she was so glad to be rid of it when filming was done on days where it was necessary. And in another case, a butch lesbian woman tried to live as a man for a year. Well before that year was up, she committed herself because the stress was driving her to a nervous breakdown. Those sorts of incidents show what we go through mentally, how most people have no clue, but occasionally someone does “get it”.

    And when they don’t, I try to overlook any slights (unless I think they are deliberate) and explain to help that person understand.

  4. Yeah, there is a lot of ignorance about what it means to be a trans woman and what it means to transition medically. I guess that’s why I don’t mind being asked questions because it gives me an opportunity for dialog.

    But, that’s just me.


  5. Until we stop “comedies” from using the offensive “man in a dress” schtick, this is going to be a perception problem we have to deal with.

    On an unrelated note: the number of selfies you’ve posted in your blog seems to have increased the last couple months. I read that as a sign of confidence and self-acceptance! Good to see.

    1. I was just thinking about the picture thing. I use to hate having my picture taken and would do anything to avoid it. Now I enjoy it. It’s like every time I saw my reflection this past weekend, it’s the first time I can remember entire days when I didn’t cringe but actually smiled at that woman in the mirror.

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