Experience, Gender, Gender Expression, Gender Identity, Information, Kira, Life, MtF, Opinion, Personal, Questioning, Thanks, Thoughts, Transgender

Am I Missing Something? (Update)

First off let me say I am not complaining, I am however, a little confused. Maybe different eyes will see what ever it is I seem to be missing when I look at myself. Now, I do admit to being critical of my appearance especially when I’m ‘al natural.’ The truth is I expect to be greeted with male pronouns and generally treated like a guy whenever I go out like this. What still throws me a little is being treated as a woman and addressed with female pronouns. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve pretty much given up on the idea of ‘guy mode’ vs ‘girl mode’, I act pretty much the same no matter how I think I am presenting.

Having just said all of this…

I went to Costco again today and again I was walking. First off a gentleman I didn’t know started taking to me after he had caught up to me, and while he didn’t use female pronouns, I had the distinct impression he thought he was speaking to a woman. Then in the store, I was greeted with female pronouns, and seriously, I have noticed women treat me differently, greet me differently, and just seem to be more open and relaxed around me than I ever remember.

Maybe I’m making more of this than it really is. Maybe it nothing more than wishful thinking on my part, but I’m including a picture of how I went out today. (It isn’t the greatest, but my middle boy took it of me so please be kind.) 🙂

IMG 0492

So you tell me, guy? girl, neither?

Oh, and this was all after being mistaken for A on the phone this morning…


Add this one with my ‘enhancers’ which give me an A cup. I wasn’t wearing them earlier though…


24 thoughts on “Am I Missing Something? (Update)

  1. I see just another middle aged woman. There are aspects of your presentation that are ambiguous but I think you lean feminine.

    If you undergo HRT, develop female breasts, and change the fat distribution in your face, you will move farther into the female side of the presentation spectrum.

    I think, if I saw you in public, my pause would be looking to see if you have breasts or not. But then again I look at people more critically and carefully now too. 🙂

    • I added another picture wearing my silicone ‘enhancers’ I don’t know if it makes much of a difference in my appearance and I wasn’t wearing them when I went to the store, though I was wearing a winter coat.
      I do want to look into HRT, but I’d have to travel to Chicago for the right doctor… a bit of a trip and expensive considering the cost of gas; not to mention none of this is covered by my insurance.

  2. Humor_Me_Now says:

    I know you must feel great when feminine pronouns are used when you are out–that must be a great feeling.

    I thought you photo looked either or–I agree with the first comment and your reply–the thing I would look for seeing you in your photo is does she have breasts. I know is probably not fair, but I am kind of new to this.

    My experience is limited. I did know one couple in which the husband looked feminine and had a high pitched voice, but he was definitely a guy. lol He had children. His wife was a jokester and convinced him to out bar hopping with her like they were two gals. Nothing good or bad happened, but a few guys hit on both of them–normal for bars.

    I wish you well.

    • I suppose it’s natural to look for expected physical aspects if your not sure of someone gender… women have breasts, men don’t… at least not normally. I have seen a number of overweight men who could use a good bra…
      Of course another thing is just what you mention, how a person sees themselves, male or female as I believe this comes through in the way they express themselves, carry themselves, and respond to others.
      Maybe this is the real difference in how people see me. I think of myself as female regardless of how I happen to look and I am growing more comfortable with myself in this role.
      Every day I care less about doing myself up to the nines, people are going to see what they wish to see regardless. That’s not to say I don’t getting all done up as it makes me feel wonderful, but doing o should be something I do for me and no one else. If I try to meet the expectations of others, everyone is going to be disappointed.

  3. You’re actually kind of androgynous–a little male, a little female, and not enough of either to clarify things for total strangers. As Artie Johnson used to say, “Verry interesting.”

  4. DJ Frenzy says:

    Opinions aside, your appearance never mattered to me when I read your posts, you identify as Kira. That’s who I see in my mind when I read them.

  5. It’s hard to tell from a picture; in the picture, you could be either. The telling is in how you carry yourself, how you walk, how you hold your head, and all those little things that are part of who we are. I think the more you feel yourself feminine, the more people will respond to you as female. We teach people how to treat us.

    • This is what I was thinking too. While there are many visual clues to how to address someone, there are also many subtle things which factor in as well.

  6. I was thinking the same thing as Ruth — and the “tell” for me in this photo is the way you hold your hands. That coupled with the hair reads feminine to me. If I met you at Costco, I’d use female pronouns. Having said that, my journey tagging along behind a trans* family member has made me very impatient with *all* gender. I’m realizing that gender isn’t a very accurate gauge of anything.

    • Thank you for your thoughts. I hadn’t thought about my hands… I do agree, the way people use gender specific pronouns is more of an indication of them than of who they are speaking to. If not, then why do we all know people who were mis-gendered, at the store, a restaurant, on the phone? If it was such a perfect way to relate to each other wouldn’t such thing be rare? Yet they are not.

  7. Although I couldn’t quite get why you might appear to someone as female, after viewing your pictures the first thing that caught my attention was the way you held your hands which I believe to be a characteristically female gesture to make ourselves appear less threatening, much like the way we tend to sit with our knees together or crossed rather than spread wide apart as trans and cis men, along with many male presenting women, seem to do. A female acquaintance in a group to whom I came out in November 2011 insisted the knee thing was a learned behavior from being socialized female. I was not convinced at the time because I hadn’t yet realized that although I was assigned male at birth but always thought from an early age I should have been female, I could possibly have inadvertently taken social cues from my Mom who was my primary care provider until she resumed working after my younger sister reached school age. I also now have come to realize in responding to your post that those behaviors could have been ‘tells” to peers when growing up because every school I went to, 3 elementary, one Jr High and 3 High schools, I felt so alienated by both sides of the gender fence. Not any more, thank Goddess!

    • The question of appearance is due to being spoken to using female pronouns and generally treated as a woman even when I have done nothing to deliberately give someone such an impression. Such as wearing makeup or a wig. This is something which has been happening more and more over the past month or so and I have been trying to understand what about me is different from when all I heard were male pronouns.
      As for as being alienated, not so much for me, I was mostly ignored which has its good side and bad side…

      • You are looking at life now in a new paradigm and her name is Kira. Guess what? You can never go back, just as you can’t regrow a lost limb, and no matter how much you try not to be her, you are Kira whether you or anyone likes it or not.

  8. I agree with the other commenters. I guess from my point of view, it is how you carry yourself. Your hands are folded gently together, your weight is shifted to the side, one foot forward, one hip raised higher than the other. Men don’t stand like that generally. You look like any other woman who took the day to perhaps not do herself up, and just be comfortable for the day. Longer hair and a gentle smile help too! That’s just my two cents.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s