One Thing

Something happened between A and I. I can’t go into specifics, I won’t. The important thing is this, she told me;

“I can’t do again. I won’t be able to think of you as my husband.”

This is what she told me after a day in which a situation took place which continues to bother her. I will tell you I am glad she felt it was important to share her thoughts and feelings with me, yet like her, this is something which has come to consume my thoughts.

I don’t know what to think.

What to feel.

What to do.

For this moment, I do nothing. I am in a place of suspended animation, lost in the thoughts and emotions which swirl through my mind… my heart.

I take it back, I do know one thing. I don’t want to hurt any more and I don’t want to hurt those around me either, yet it seems one cannot happen without the other.

11 thoughts on “One Thing

  1. Every step you take hurts someone it seems. Yet you have to take those steps. How else can you survive? You also have a right to you. Surely. She has told you her feelings. I get that, but it hardly means the end of everything personal between you. Surely not. Because if you do not take those steps, every step you do not take hurts….well, you. I do not envy your journey, but I do envy and admire your courage.

  2. And when you are hurt, those around you hurt, too. You have to take whatever steps are necessary for you, because if you don’t, the pain for everyone will be more.

  3. So hard to click like. It may be a process that’ll work out okay as you all move through it. Right now, sounds like you’re doing what you need to, nothing. Letting the dust settle may be a new moment that works for all concerned. I can certainly hold out that hope for you while going through this tough spell. I think the commenter before took my words, I don’t envy your journey but I admire you immensely.

  4. It does seem that there’s always a point during our transitions where we must choose whom to hurt. My experience has been that both parties will be hurt and the best we can hope for is to minimize the hurt and look forward to healing.

    HUGS

    -Connie

  5. ((Hugs)) I wish this were easier for all of you, that there was some sort of magic wand I could wave to make it all right. But, yeah, someone is going to get hurt in this equation. The only thing you can do is figure out a way to resolve it with the least amount of hurt.

  6. Presuming she is hurt by her feelings is your first mistake. It is not your doing and the only thing you can do is breathe it in and let it settle into your psyche. I would suggest you stop trying to take responsibility for anyone else’s feelings but your own. I know that it is a hard one for you to chew, Kira, but this is part of the road you have chosen to take and you must accept it for what it is, a feeling. You can still be father to your children but to be a husband is another matter. It is what it is. Get used to it!

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