An FIL Update and Some Additional Thoughts

First, an update on my FIL. He is now resting at home, I’m not sure what care he is currently receiving, but I do know his doctor is waiting on the lab results before advising any treatment plans, if any. At this point he has about a month or so… It’s just a waiting game now.

As I get more information, I will post updates.

 

On another front…

Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize you are already so far on your path, the only option is to see it through to the end? Well, I had such a moment this morning. I had to go for a scheduled physical for work. I did so as male because all of my information was last updated before I came out. This means everything had my birth name all over it and the health information was in the male section of the questionnaire. 

First of all, I received more than a few, this isn’t correct looks from the female staff, though no one said anything directly. Then the male doctor who was overseeing the physical part of the test, lifting, turning, climbing, ext. referred to me as ‘Mam’, ‘Lady’, and ‘woman’ even after reading all of my information.

I found this rather amusing and a sign I am on this path for good or ill. There really is no turning back.

Yesterdays post was something I needed to write. I had to get all of the doubts and fears out where I could see them and confront them. I had to be able to admit to myself I am not an island, not a rock which can stand alone against the storms life sends my way. I cannot hold all these things within myself… I am many things, an unfeeling machine is not one of them.

After saying all the things I did, sharing thoughts and emotions which have been churning in my heart, I felt a sense of relief. Not for no longer thinking or feeling what I did, but having been able to share the weight with those who can understand or at least are empathetic.

To then have the experience I did today, without any thought or prompting from me, it really brought things into focus in a way I didn’t realize I needed.

I have a long way to go and many challenges yet to face. There will be times when I stumble and fall, when my strength and determination fail me, yet I also know I can get back up and continue on… even when things seem impossible and I have all of you to thank for that.

8 thoughts on “An FIL Update and Some Additional Thoughts

  1. Been meaning to give you my best regarding your FIL. I very much understood what you meant in a previous entry about not being close with the family as a blessing and a curse. I went through that when my mother’s father passed. In any case, I’m thankful that his condition is as smooth as can be. If not entirely for your sake then for A’s.

    I also can relate to that sense of being beyond the point of no return. Those moments when people clearly understand you are truly the most gratifying indeed. Though I continue to wish you well in your journey, through the good and the bad.

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