A Week Of Thoughts

This week has not been my best. Thankfully, it also hasn’t been my worst. There are many things going on right now, much of which I am not comfortable sharing. There are things however, which I feel I need to share because I know I am not the only person who deals with such things and I want anyone who is, they are not alone. As much as it may feel as if they are. 

(Well, let me say something here… it is important to understand each of us really do go through rough times alone in a way which is difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t been through similar situations. In truth, we are all alone in our own heads. We cannot express every thought and emotion, as much as we might want to. In this way saying someone is not alone is a bit of a misnomer… all any of can do is share our own struggles and hope others can find a small measure of peace from knowing they are not the first or the last to have these experiences.)

Having said all of this, let me add one more thing… if you find yourself at a fragile point in your life, it might not be the best thing to go to places such as YouTube and find transition videos. Yes, they can be uplifting in they show what is possible, however if you are like myself, then you see what could be, which makes looking in the mirror an act of masochism.

More often than not, this isn’t something which is overwhelming, but this week… on top of other stress, it became almost more than I can stand. I keep reminding myself this is temporary. I have been through this before and odds are I will do so again. Of course it doesn’t make it better at the moment, yet it is a life line I have taken in both hands and I won’t let it go.

6 thoughts on “A Week Of Thoughts

    1. I know… Just as I know some days will be worse than others and some better. The trick is to keep it together enough to make it from the bad ones to the good ones, which is part of the reason I started writing. If I go back and look at all the times I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, all the times I wanted to give up… and yes, the times I seriously thought about doing the unthinkable… yet here I am, aren’t I? It is this one simple fact which sustains me more than any other. I. Am. Still. Here.

  1. There was a point where I stopped watching YouTube transition videos because every time I watched one, I got jealous, not just for the dramatic changes in their appearance, but that these were kids who will get to experience some of what I missed having transitioned so late in life. Then I realized that whenever I look back to think about what I missed, that I was missing what is right in front of me, I realized that my present is exactly where I have dreamt to be since before I was their age.

  2. Kira, I know you have struggles, I have been reading your posts for almost 2 years. And I am not even going to attempt to understand what goes on in your head. But I have seen you are not a quitter, I have seen you fight thru your struggles, and I have seen you come out better because of the effort. Just keep that in mind. Take care, Bill

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