I sit across the table from her, this girl with the sad smile. I no longer remember how many times I have thought to talk to her, how many times fear kept me silent, yet looking at her now I know she understands. I know she has waited patiently for me all these years.
There is no pity, nor anger.
All things must come in their own time.
Though she may say things I do not wish to hear, she will never speak first. Such has never been her nature. It is I who must speak. Who must search out the answers I seek.
It is strange to be sitting here, typing these words. I am shaking and there are tears in my eyes. There is a mixture of excitement and fear.
You see, as much as I have hidden from the world, I have also hidden from myself, from the girl in the mirror sitting across from me now. We have been, are, and always will be one. It is only now I find I have the courage to accept the truth of this.
Now is a time which has been a lifetime in the making, A dark and dangerous journey into my heart and soul.
I can close my eyes and in a breath I am returned to the first time I saw her. I’m not sure I can out into words the thoughts and emotions which tore through me, which brought me to my knees in fear and awe. It was the first time I saw me. Not some masquerade, not a pretense, nor an expectation…
Too small. Too skinny. With wonder filled blue eyes and a heart I feared would break free from my trembling breast.
It was the first time we had stood face to face, yet I had always known her. It was the first time all the pieces came together to form a picture which was true and right.