In My Head

I’m not sure what to say any more. This week has left me so tired, all I want is to sleep.

Sitting here, I have ‘Into Dust’ by Mazzy Star playing in a loop.The slow, melancholy rhythm seems to fit my state of mind better than any of the other music in my library. 

As I listen, I know, deep inside, my strength is failing me. Then again, maybe I was never as strong as I wanted to believe.

I never wanted to be anything other than myself, even when I didn’t know who I really was… Yet, as we all know, the world rarely accepts such definitions, insisting instead we become the thing it has decided to mold us into.

I never see myself in other’s eyes.

Never hear my name on their lips.

They cannot see me.

They cannot hear me.

I am less than a ghost.

A apparition of thoughts, hopes, and dreams.

I do not exist because I cannot exist.

I have spent a lifetime hiding from the truth and now all which remains is the lie. You can see it. Hear it. Feel it.

No longer myself, I am lost.

 

I simply wish to rest.

To put aside the weight I carry, even if for just a moment.

One I dreamed of walking in the sun. To cast my own shadow across the world.

Foolish.

No one listens.

No one sees.

No.

One.

Cares. 

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