I’m not sure what to say any more. This week has left me so tired, all I want is to sleep.
Sitting here, I have ‘Into Dust’ by Mazzy Star playing in a loop.The slow, melancholy rhythm seems to fit my state of mind better than any of the other music in my library.
As I listen, I know, deep inside, my strength is failing me. Then again, maybe I was never as strong as I wanted to believe.
I never wanted to be anything other than myself, even when I didn’t know who I really was… Yet, as we all know, the world rarely accepts such definitions, insisting instead we become the thing it has decided to mold us into.
I never see myself in other’s eyes.
Never hear my name on their lips.
They cannot see me.
They cannot hear me.
I am less than a ghost.
A apparition of thoughts, hopes, and dreams.
I do not exist because I cannot exist.
I have spent a lifetime hiding from the truth and now all which remains is the lie. You can see it. Hear it. Feel it.
No longer myself, I am lost.
I simply wish to rest.
To put aside the weight I carry, even if for just a moment.
One I dreamed of walking in the sun. To cast my own shadow across the world.
No one listens.
No one sees.