Where Do I Go From Here?

I had therapy today, I’m only going every other week now and my therapist was on vacation so it seems forever since our last session. All things considered I think things were ok for me… Yes, I still have my issues to deal with but at least they didn’t drag me down into a deep dark hole. 

I’m at a bit of a loss as to what to say, I have so much which seems just out of reach for the moment…

Let’s begin with this…

I have set much of my own concerns to the side for the moment. There is simply too much happening with my Father-in-law and I feel there are more important considerations. I know this is causing me issues… I guess it is more important for me to be worrying about those around me than myself… Still, at some point I am going to have to focus on myself and where I am going with transitioning. This was the main topic for therapy and I’ll admit it has me at a loss…

I have already done so much, come so much further than I ever imagined… Going out is just another day, not some major production and at one point I stopped and realized I don’t feel anything exceptional, I’m simply me and wondering what anyone else sees or thinks never crosses my mind. 

All the same, I am at a point where I know there really isn’t turning around and even though I understand HRT is simply a step, and not even the most important, I cannot help but see that taking concrete steps forward is a milestone I cannot ignore forever. Toward this Jodi wants me to begin mapping out my plans from this point forward, in writing. Maybe to make it real to me? I’m not sure but just thinking about doing this small thing has me on the verge of tears and I can’t explain why.

There was a time when the thought of hormones scared me to death; not any more, not in the same way… I suppose it’s more about stepping into the unknown, even more so than I ever have.

Trying to wrap my head around this has my thoughts scattering in a million different directions and I don’t even know where to start anymore.

8 thoughts on “Where Do I Go From Here?

  1. i am at the same ;point in my life, the need to be who we are simply won’t go away my good and kind friend. Let us be true to ourselves.

  2. Yes, transitioning can be scary on occasion. I found that many of the things I found the scariest were the products of my own mind and imagination and those can be the hardest to combat. The best advice I was given on this was “follow your heart, because your mind doesn’t like change”.

    Cat

  3. It’s all progress. Even little stuff like this.

    Also, no matter what happens around you, you will always absolutely deserve to pursue your path. You deserve love and you deserve to do what you need to do. No matter what.

  4. I think you’re right that some family issues have to take precedence right now. Don’t let holding off on taking more steps be too much of a burden. This doesn’t mean you’re stuck forever; you’re just taking a little necessary side trip. I really like Jodi’s suggestions of mapping out your plans; that’s going to give you a clear direction to go when you get back on the journey. ((Hugs))

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