I’ve reached a point where I refuse to be ashamed of who I am or to try and downplay my truth for the comfort of others.
This past weekend I ran into a coworker while shopping. Not a big deal in the scheme of things but he called me by my male name. (This is understandable since I’m not “out” at work, so everyone knows me by my old name). However, outside of work I generally present as female and use Kira. I also, more often than not, wear padding so as to present a more feminine presence. Now I rarely bother with makeup or jewelry as I am more often then not, seen as being female even without them.
Most times I let people use whatever pronouns they choose, but to call me by name? I simply cannot accept anything but my name anywhere but at work and even then it grates on my nerves like nails on a blackboard.
So I politely pointed out I don’t use my male name anywhere but at work.
Since we were in the middle of a store, I told him I would explain if he wanted to know more and he said he would see me at work. Since this was the weekend I didn’t return to work before Sunday night and I didn’t get to speak to him then. Last night I found out he had come in to work overtime and was talking to people about the encounter. Now I didn’t ask what was said, honestly I don’t care. As I told another coworker, I expected him to talk, in fact I have dropped hints or simply came out to several people there who I knew wouldn’t keep their mouths shut. I figure people are going to talk regardless and so if there was to be rumors floating around, I was going to start a few of them. As I said at the beginning of this post, I am sick and tired of feeling as if I should be ashamed of who I am or worried about how people, I often see for no more than eight hours, might see or talk about me.
So, I’m another step out at work. It is a small step but I can see the point where someone is going to say or do something and I am going to come out fully. It’s not as if I have gone out of my way to be subtle. I figure my hair and nails were enough to get some whispering going.
Funny enough, I don’t plan to begin to wear makeup at work, most of the other women don’t and a wig is too hot, so I will mostly look like I always have, (shrug), let them think what they will.