Month: September 2015

‘Stonewall’ Tanks At The Box Office | /Bent

‘Stonewall’ Tanks At The Box Office | /Bent:

“Not that we expected otherwise, but anyone fearful the fairly substantial attention Roland Emmerich’s ‘Stonewall’ has been getting for being so bad would result in some sort of a ‘we need to see how awful it is’ box office boost can exhale: The movie tanked.”

(Via. /bent)

From Dream to Reality

Hopes and dreams are wonderful things. They can help guide your steps, show you possibilities, and keep you inspired. There is just one little problem, for them to be of any use to you they need to be brought to reality, and reality has a nasty way of shredding your hopes and dreams.

Not to despair, it is still possible to reach even the loftiest of goals, it just takes time, effort, dedication and more times than not, money.

Such is the case with changing your name. There is, unfortunately, two different ways to change your name, one comes backed by the power of law and the other… well it and a dollar might buy you a bottle of water…

(Actually, the other way is to simply begin using your chosen name in an everyday manner. To have your family, friends and coworkers call you what you wish. To begin signing, (non legally binding), documents and papers. Sort of like using a nickname instead of your proper name.)

Sadly, this isn’t thought of as a ‘legal’ name change. The sort you may wish for when you begin transition. Being legally binding means you can use it for all of your identification and documentation such as a driver’s license, social security, insurance, benefits, (and most importantly, taxes.)

It is what you need to keep your HR department happy with you at your place of employment. Not to mention various supervisors, leads, foremen, and anyone else you may have contact with. 

A legal name change requires filling out a ton of paperwork, paying a fee, going to court to ask a judge to allow the change, then going to various other agencies to get everything changed, social security card, driver’s license or state ID, back accounts, credit cards, and anything else you can think of.


A Name By Any Other…

I was curious as to what, if anything, would be said after I used my chosen name at work. I received my answer today; I was informed I needed to speak to HR today if I wanted to use a different name. So I went to them and spoke with a very understanding and knowledgeable representative who went over the basics, which was I need to obtain a legal name change along with all of the corresponding forms of identification; Social Security, Driver’s License, Bank forms, etc, etc, etc. Then I will need to refile all my paperwork with HR and receive a new ID card.

It will be a time consuming and expensive process… Still, I understand this is what I need to do to continue moving forward.

The glimmer of good news in all of this is asking people to use my preferred name is acceptable, I just can’t use it for anything “official” which I guess includes supply requests for some reason… (shrug).

Tiny steps.

Sometimes it is the small things which speak the loudest.

Yesterday I needed to put in a supply request for the building I work in. Being a custodian it was for all the usual things. toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning supplies. No big deal right?

Except the first thing you fill in is the name of the person making the request.

For a moment I seriously thought about leaving it blank for the first time in almost twenty years; then I signed Kira Moore. My supervisor didn’t say anything this morning when I went to punch out, but I’m curious to know if she left it alone.

Another thing which happened was having someone I worked with before return to 3rd shift. She greeted me with my old name and I explained to her I now go by Kira. She was completely fine with the news and immediately started using my correct name. 

Just a little further.

Evangelical transgender conference rejects notion that gender identity can change – Religion News Service

So much for “Christian love and understanding.”

 

Evangelical transgender conference rejects notion that gender identity can change – Religion News Service:

“(RNS) The Association of Certified Biblical Counselors is planning what it calls evangelical Christians’ first-ever conference on transgender issues.

But don’t expect to hear from any transgender voices at the conference.

The association will co-sponsor ‘Transgender Confusion and Transformational Christianity’ with the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood on Oct. 5 on the campus of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky.”

(Via. Religion News Service)

Living With Depression, Still

Sorrow, feeling blue… there are a hundred different ways to describe feeling down. Yet these only represent the tip of the iceberg which is depression… 

I could save myself time and tears by giving you link after link to resources, reports, studies… Such things are useful, dry, clinical, one sided, but useful… still they cannot begin to express the the emotions and thoughts one can only fully understand through experience. Let me say, from one human to another, I could never wish such experience on anyone. Better for it to remain a concept, a possibility so far removed from reality as to be unimaginable.

I’m not sure how many times I have spoken of these things. If you go back through the archives for this blog, I’m sure you will find more than one… I remember reading a blog at one point where the author was expressing disgust with another blog where all he saw was someone complaining about depression and suicidal thoughts and wondered if the person just wanted people to share in their pity party… I think I can speak to this… No, they weren’t complaining, they were reaching out, they weren’t looking for a pity party, they’re looking for a way out which didn’t end with a death notice in the paper. 

This was so long ago now, I feel I failed this person by not speaking out sooner… I can only hope and pray they found the help they needed and can look back on me with forgiveness in their heart.

I wanted to share this as a way of explaining, if you have never dealt with this very serious illness then you simply cannot understand, never mind judge, someone who has or is.

I don’t know how many days I’ve woken to find myself facing yet another day of struggle. Struggling to get up, to function, to think, sometimes to just breath without visions of blood and death flashing through my mind. My blood. My death and not screaming only because everything is caught inside, choking me.

Despite what some may think, I don’t want to feel this… I would rather be the same as so many of you and to have never thought about such things.

I hate feeling useless, worthless, despised, hated… As if nothing I do is ever good enough. Every thought, emotion, action is nothing but unmitigated failure. How the sorrow, hatred, disgust, and disappointment expressed by others is my fault by my simply existing.

In my mind I know these things aren’t true. That they have been imposed upon me through years of abuse and neglect…

But try getting my heart to listen.