I wasn’t sure what I was going to post about today. Each time I sat down it seemed my mind went blank. Well, as I am finding out, blank spaces are what I need to think about, to write about, to forgive myself for.
Several times I have written about different things which I have used as time markers in my life. Some of them were personal, some trans related, but all of them seemed to define periods in my life. What concerns me now is not these moments which remain so clear in my memory, it is the spaces in between.
I use to joke I would forget my head if it wasn’t attached. Such things aren’t quiet as funny when you cast your mind back over the days, weeks and years only to find nearly everything is hazy at best. There are months, even years, for which I cannot account.
Don’t misunderstand, I am not longing for the time. It is dead and I cannot get it back. I am saddened at how much of my life has been lost.