At times I sit in front of the computer staring at a blank white section of screen with nothing more than a blinking curser to show which window is active. Other times I feel as if my thoughts are dogs and squirrels chasing each other through my head. Then there are the times when thoughts are reduced to raw emotions, where words no longer have meaning and only pain and fear are real.
In these times I feel lost and alone, unable to communicate. Inside only a void remains, slowing drawing me into darkness. It is then I find the strength of the bonds which hold me here. Those of love, family, and responsibility. If not for them I would have been lost long ago.
These past few weeks have been trying, leaving me feeling drained and hollow. More than once I have found my thoughts drifting into darker waters. My eyes as filled with visions of death as they are with tears and the weight on my chest makes it difficult to breathe.
I wanted to tell you this. I want you to understand.
I have come a long, long way from where I began this journey. None the less, there are struggles yet to be overcome, some are personal, some are medical, and some are just part of everyday life, yet I cannot say I have reached a place where I am at peace within myself. Maybe I never will, not completely.
Sometimes the wounds are too deep, the scars too raw, the damage too great, to ever be healed.