I begin this with a question to myself; Could I turn back on myself and just walk away?
This isn’t a matter of quitting but of acknowledging the effort is no longer worth the reward. Having swam against the currents of society for so long, do I have the energy, the conviction of purpose to continue?
I look inside and there is no answer.
Sometimes people see me, most times they don’t and as much as I understand what I am doing is for me, it is a hollow victory. As difficult as it is to admit, this seems to be a pointless exercise in futility.
My mind is constantly searching to understand if what I feel is truth or if I am only grasping at excuses and like minded opinions to convince myself I am doing the right thing. I understand there are so many layers to this puzzle it takes time to sort through even the smallest portion. It also takes a tremendous amount of energy and so many days I don’t have it to spare. Just waking up is a mountain to be climbed, dealing with people is almost too much to bear and there it sits, this elephant in the room; do I know who I am or am I grasping at figments of a shattered imagination?