Questioning Myself

I begin this with a question to myself; Could I turn back on myself and just walk away?

This isn’t a matter of quitting but of acknowledging the effort is no longer worth the reward. Having swam against the currents of society for so long, do I have the energy, the conviction of purpose to continue?

I look inside and there is no answer.

Sometimes people see me, most times they don’t and as much as I understand what I am doing is for me, it is a hollow victory. As difficult as it is to admit, this seems to be a pointless exercise in futility.

My mind is constantly searching to understand if what I feel is truth or if I am only grasping at excuses and like minded opinions to convince myself I am doing the right thing. I understand there are so many layers to this puzzle it takes time to sort through even the smallest portion. It also takes a tremendous amount of energy and so many days I don’t have it to spare. Just waking up is a mountain to be climbed, dealing with people is almost too much to bear and there it sits, this elephant in the room; do I know who I am or am I grasping at figments of a shattered imagination?


5 thoughts on “Questioning Myself

  1. Dear Kira … You are who you are! You are a very valuable human being. Please, never doubt who you are. All is worth it … If only for you! Love yourself!!

  2. Honestly, I think most people don’t see anyone else out there in the world. We’re all just so wrapped up in our own lives that it’s really difficult to break out of that myopia. That said, I’m not sure you could ever turn back now. And doing something that makes you feel at peace is never a hollow victory.

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