More than once I have had someone tell me not to worry about another’s feelings. I should do those things I need to make myself comfortable regardless of how it affects someone; I should see their issues as their problem and not mine. If they are uncomfortable with my choices then they need to get over it. It isn’t my responsibility…
For me it isn’t so cut and dry. Knowing I am the source of someone’s unhappiness, to be a source of pain isn’t something I can ignore. Such a thing seems callus and cold, narcissistic and cruel. So much more so when it is someone I am connected to.
I cannot understand how I am suppose to be happy at another’s expense.
It may not come as much of a surprise to hear I would rather die a thousand deaths than hurt someone I care about. To know I have said many times I can accept my own pain, indeed would rather take all of their pain into myself… after all, I have lived with so much already it is like we are old friends, well acquainted with one another. Yes, there is also the fact on many levels I feel as though I deserve to hurt. To bear bruises and scars so others never have to experience them. No, I do not see myself as some type of martyr, a sacrificial lamb… To me it is an understanding some people are born to suffer, emotionally, physically, spiritually. It isn’t an issue of persecution, it is simply fact.