Personal

It has been some time since I last wrote something personal… too long. There are countless excuses I could give for why this is but that is all they would be, excuses. The truth is I have done everything I could to avoid writing this because of fear. 

Everyday I find myself being overwhelmed by fear. Fear of being betrayed by the body I wear, the way it looks, moves, sounds… and of the ways in which people see me because of it. I fear my reflection. I fear my shadow because they scream out to me just how wrong I see myself to be.

More than this, I fear myself. What resides inside this flesh.

Every time I find myself alone with nothing other than quiet and solitude I have tried to let my thoughts free reign. Instead they turn into a thousand terrified bits which scatter in every direction. Before I know it I am searching for something, anything to distract myself, to give me something to concentrate on other than finding answers to the question I know I need to ask.

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5 thoughts on “Personal

  1. introspection is not for the cowardly…it is far easier to go about one’s days looking everywhere else…for answers…for questions. fear, like death, can be an ally…it is comfortable not to consider either of them, but it is brave to face them. in our fear we find our strength…you seem a very strong person to me.

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