Apology

Tear


Please tell the girl
in the mirror…

I’m.

Sorry… 

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16 thoughts on “Apology

    1. I’m sorry if I have caused you any distress, such was never my intention.
      The truth is thing are going very well. I am dealing with depression, anxiety, and way too many issues with being transgender.
      I have been thinking very seriously about not transitioning any further and in fact de-transitioning from where I am right now… I just don’t have the energy to keep fighting when everything seems so pointless. Every day it seems those around me seek to do nothing more than humor me. They do nothing to imply they actually accept me… the real me. Instead they seem to insist I remain as they want me be… the old name, the old pronouns… the man they are so sure I am regardless of anything I can say or do.
      If they really want him so badly, I am tempted to let them have him… I stayed in the shadows before and survived… I can do so again.

  1. I was just wondering how you were doing. I haven’t spoken to you in a while. You probably forgot who I am. I want to reach out to you somehow. Don’t give in to what people want or expect from you. Be true to yourself. I had to deal with something similar (not transgender); people expected me to be something that I knew I wasn’t deep down inside. After careful examination of myself, I decided to “break free” from those people (the thoughts they even left in my mind) and it only took a few caring words (or even smiles) from others that encouraged me to find the woman that was inside of me. If you desire to find the woman that is inside of you, by all means, don’t give up!

    1. There are days when I forget my own name! lol! Though for some reason I had to refollow you… now I will have to check who I am following to make sure no one has been dropped.
      I admit I have been struggling for a while now… depression mixed with self doubt is a nasty combination.
      I have decided it was time to learn all those things about myself I never knew I was missing. Some will be simple, favorite entertainment and hobbies, some will be difficult, personal convictions, beliefs, my place in this world…. Well, you get the point.
      My one worry is that I will run out of the strength to push past the difficult times ahead, but, I hope, with people to encourage me, like yourself, I can and will come out the other side better than I went in.

  2. Oh please darling, stay strong. What you are doing is far more difficult than what any of the critics could do. If you stop, and especially detransition, maybe not now but in the future, you will regret it. Please stay strong.

  3. Kira , i am sorry i didn’t read or proof before i hit the submit botton. i understand the flustrations wish i could send you a nagic pill to give you a great life. You are a strong indiviual with wonderful ideas. i wish you the best. fighting inside ourselves wondering if we are doing the right thing while externally some are giving us a hard time or just humoring us as they hope things will just go away makes for a dificult life.. Sometimes i try to be so busy i can’t take the time to look around and figure out what and why is this or that happening. Just be Kira Me yourself and be happy with your choices cuz you are a strong girl
    hugs

  4. *
    I care. We here all care.

    Yes, Kira, ultimately only you know what you must do.

    Allow me to share that my immediate and extended family knew about me all while I was growing up since at least age 3. They were nothing more than ‘smiling faces, sometimes …’. Once I made my changes, they all abandoned me. ALL.

    Likewise, I lost all my ‘friends’ of my before life. ALL.

    Perhaps some choose to de-transition under those losses. My attitude is that I don’t need family and ‘friends’ who can’t accept me who I am. I can make my own family and find new friends.

    That loss hurts every day, yet on balance I feel free not having them weigh me down.

    Not to mention that I know that I made the correct decision for me to maintain who I am rather than satisfy them being who I am not. Is that not what they demand of me – that I accept them for who they are?

    As for regrets, the only real regret I have about my life is not having done it better – whether in this topic sphere or other matters. We only get one chance, please make it your best effort.

    *

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