I have been maintaining this blog for many years now, (some might think too long,) but there were days when it was the only thing which kept me from breaking into a million pieces… Humpty Dumpty style.
Through much of that time I had no idea where I would end up. Good days, bad days, really bad days… it was as much a surprise to me as it was to everyone else.
There were, of course, calm days in the middle of my little storm when all which mattered was enjoying the weather and family time… I cherished each of those as the priceless gems they were.
Now I face a greater challenge.
The matter of facing my inner demons, scars and wounds, and all those little things which pile up in the mind through a lifetime. I have been researching online, looking for bits and pieces of inspiration and advice to rebuild (or truly build for the first time) a life I never knew I was lacking. I suppose this is what happens when one day you wake up thinking your the individual, only to find you were just a reflection in the mirror.
All my life was spent trying to be the good child, the good friend, the good spouse, forever worried I wasn’t good enough, convinced the unhappiness, disapproval, and disappointment I saw in those around me as proof I was not and could never be.
All of my energy has been spent on being nothing more than an imperfect reflection of what I thought… was told… who and what was expected.
In the process I never learned who I was.