Therapy…

I realized today it had been four weeks since my last therapy session… Sitting there I wondered where the time went.

Honestly, I had considered cancelling. The thought of facing J when I had no idea what I was going to say… Not having any words to explain the way I have been feeling, the things I have been thinking, caused me to have almost crippling anxiety… It was just one more thing which has turned my life upside down… the anxiety, the depression… feeling as if everything is hopeless to the point it isn’t worth the effort to even try and breathe.

This session was a wondering, pointless mess of broken thoughts and long silences. I know she tried, but sometimes there isn’t anything to say…

It was pointed out she heard in my voice a hopelessness and I cannot deny it.

I reminder her of the promise I made to myself when I first began this journey… I would live long enough to see my youngest graduate high school… 

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7 thoughts on “Therapy…

  1. it is a good promise. You have alot to give many enjoy your thoguhful writings. There are dark clouds and storms in life and beautiful things can come from us enduring. So hang in there because you are beautiful and strong.. Hugs hugs and more hugs

  2. When your youngest graduates high school, it’s still your youngest. Your baby is your baby forever, no matter how old. Hang in there. You got this.

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