Humpty Dumpty

There are times when I think I am too broken to ever be put back together…

Not so long ago I didn’t realize how broken I was. Oh, I knew there were something wrong in my head, but I had no concept of how bad the damage was. Honestly, I doubt I have scratched the surface but what I know now is enough to make me want to simply give up. There is too much  and it seems to get more complicated, more intertwined and knotted… Seriously, I feel like the lone meatball in the center of a can of alphabet soup.

ADD, BDD, OCD, PTSD… the list get longer by the day and I am at a loss as how to deal with just one thing never mind a medical journal’s worth of problems and issues.

Life has never been easy, I would be a fool to suggest it was, but now… I don’t know anymore…

I don’t really understand who or even what I am. I try to grasp onto small thing, a like, dislike, a hobby or interest of some kind, anything which gives me a connection, a place to start… but it slips through my fingers like mist on a foggy morning with the sun is taking far too long to burn its way through and I’m left to muddle through with no idea of where I’m going or why.

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12 thoughts on “Humpty Dumpty

  1. No way I’m clicking like. I wish we lived closer. I’d ask you over to have a cup of tea/coffee and tell you why I like being your cyber friend. It’s not just the lovingly sweet videos and photos on facebook, or your honesty–incredibly open and oh so refreshing, and so much more. It’s how my heart feels connecting with you, like you understand the pain of the human condition and you have the courage to put it out there. You’re not alone in how you feel and if this to you helps in any way please believe me that you bring a light and great value to this world. Just being your honest beautiful self. If you’re ever in my neck of the woods, that offer for a cuppa something, a seat at my table to chew some food, is an open offer for you. Love, Paulette

      1. I’m not the only one who feels this way. I was very close with Bill Hamilton. He’d phone me and we’d talk for hours. Whenever your name came up, we’d talk about how you inspire us and what a great person you are. It was Bill who turned me on to you. With all his trouble with COPD you were a sweet light in his life as well. Know you are loved, as you are–for who you are. ❤

      2. I’m sorry it took so long to reply to your comment, it took me awhile to gather my thoughts…
        I was just thinking about Bill the other day and how much I missed him even though I never got thew chance to know him as well as you. It is bitter sweet to know he thought so well of me, I hope I can live up to his, (and your) expectations.

      3. Not to worry dearheart, a real friend, a compassionate friend doesn’t hold out expectations or obligations. I just want you to be your beautiful self and be happy. I’m lucky to know you. I know Bill, being so down to earth, would say the same. ❤

  2. Hi 🙂 i was wondering if you would be open to an interview? I’m doing a class project for my communications class about being nonbinary in a binary world that focuses on self diclosure and coming out. It could be on here or email. Thanks for your consideration ^___^

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