Nearing the end of yet another year, I suppose it is time to look into the past once more…
After nearly five years of struggle I had hoped this year would be the first of many living full time, but it wasn’t meant to be. I have had too many doubts, too many fears. I have let what I, in my heart, believe I should be by now to cast a shadow over my heart and I cannot get free of the darkness.
I see myself without the trappings of gender and all I find is everything which tells me I am mistaken, delusional, deceived, a fool who dreams of what can never be no matter how much I might wish for it to be otherwise.
There is that which whispers to my heart I can never be anything other than a pretender.