The Perceptions of Loss When You Come out as Transgender | Transgender Universe

The Perceptions of Loss When You Come out as Transgender | Transgender Universe:

“They say when you transition your loved ones also transition along with you. Those who are close to you go through their own adjustment period. In some cases, it is a complete shock when you come out as transgender to your friends and family. In other cases, it may be surprising, but maybe it is not as shocking or there might have been some signs along the way. Either way they usually go through a period where there is a feeling of loss or a time of mourning.”


3 thoughts on “The Perceptions of Loss When You Come out as Transgender | Transgender Universe

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    I began my transition at age 18 in 1974. I present the long-term perspective of more than 40 years.

    I can only write from my experience but maybe my experience will help both the trans person and their family and friends.

    Allow me to submit that I was myself one who adamantly rejected my own prior self (Nick, male) during many of my younger years. I promptly, eagerly did that ‘Nick is dead’ routine. Maybe time eased my feelings, maybe age and opportunity to see life in review allows me to mellow in nostalgia. I learned to accept my past; I am at ease talking of Nick and my life as male with friends who know and accept me.

    Of course, I have many people in my life who do not know of my transition. The context of our relationship never brought about my necessity to introduce myself to them with the preface that I am trans. To them, I consider the point that my personal privacy matters rather than than my ‘out’ as trans to them; I have become active in my local community and anyone can eventually see that for themselves when the local news covers such events. Thus, with them, I am comfortable to reveal my past as ‘modified interpretation’: I substitute Nick’s life for a closely-comparable Sharon while omitting my male-specific activities (e.g., playing Little League baseball).

    Either way, my prior – Nick – never died and requires no mourning. He remains alive always part of my living Sharon.


    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, it is important people understand every journey is different just as it is for them. I hope someone will read your words and find comfort in them.

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