It is the end of what has been a long and stressful week. It began last week with a family emergency which was a triggering event for me, bringing back many memories and fears. Thankfully things are moving in the correct direction and we, as a family, are gaining the skills, patience, and experience to become closer and stronger.
I have made every effort to keep the focus where it is needed most, which was not on me and even now I am reluctant to insert my own issues into the mix but thankfully, in some unexpected ways, I found myself challenged to embrace my true self even more closely.
Before this happened I was falling into an old pattern, convincing myself I could survive as I had for so many years, drawing a veil around myself to hide in plain sight, to push away the positive feelings and embrace the negative. To berate myself as a fool, delusional, deceived, misguided, a know nothing who was wrong… wrong… wrong.
Yet somehow, every time something has happened, sometimes internally, others externally which blocks off one path while opening another. Every time the new way brought me back to being my authentic self. This time it was external, someone taking it upon themselves to make a brave decision to make me more comfortable. It was touching, it was emotional, and it changed a relationship for the better.
It also left me in tears.