There are times when no matter how hard I try, the words I want to say slip away like mist before the morning sun. I have spent days on end trying to find them, those words which would describe where I am at this moment in a way others could understand when even I cannot always understand myself.
One way is imagine yourself standing at the edge of a pool with jet black water where there aren’t any depth markers so you have no way of knowing how deep it is… (oh, and you can’t swim.) At the same time there is a wall, covered in spikes, razor blades, and all sorts of nasty, painful things just a hairs breath behind you, steadily moving closer, forcing you to make a choice, jump in or try and go back over that wall (which you climbed just to get to this point.)
Looking from the outside it may seem the answer would be obvious.
From the inside it you know it is anything but obvious, simple, or easy.
I know all too well the price for climbing that wall. I know what awaits me on the other side just as I know at some point in the future I would find myself back in this exact spot.