Each of us have our demons to fight. Sometimes we win and others we lose yet either way it is exhausting; physically, emotionally, mentally. There are times when it all I can do to get out of bed and others when I dread falling asleep. During the day it’s a fight to concentrate, to maintain any type of focus outside of my skin. Nights bring dreams full of indecision and doubt.
These past few weeks have been harder on me than I am willing to admit. There have been issues upon issues to be dealt with and each one has created more sharp edged doubts, fears, and shame to use against myself.
The voices have risen and become a insurmountable storm, telling me how much of a failure I am, showing me how much I have hurt everyone around me, exposing just how selfish and callous I have been.
There is still so much to sort out, all these emotions to untangle, thoughts to shift through. Too many memories. More wounds and scars than I could ever hope to deal with before they bleed me dry. The issue now is if I will try and put them here or simply deal with it in my head. After all, I did so for more years than I can remember and there is no chance someone reading this blog will take offense.
As they say, the only real secrets are the ones you keep to yourself.