Although today has been better, it is the exception rather than the rule recently. Since the beginning of the year I have been on a slow downward spiral. Unfortunately recent events lead to a steeper decline and now I am in a place where I am constantly lethargic. It often seems as though there are weights on my arms and legs leaving me exhausted after doing the simplest tasks. Mentally it feels as if my head is wrapped in an ever tightening band. I am in a constant fog. It is almost impossible to concentrate or focus on important tasks. My thoughts either wander or become hopelessly lost in a grey haze.
It doesn’t help I have not only stopped seeking to transition, I have started moving backward to the point where I am once again using my old name and making no effort to mitigate my more masculine qualities and generally letting myself go.
There just doesn’t seem to be much of a point anymore.