The other day, as I tried to rest, some thoughts slipped into my mind. Unlike so many thoughts and dreams these did not fade once I arose.
First was knowing there will never be a pill, potion, or secret government lab which will transform this body into the form I desire. There will be no deal with the devil or god to reach down and answer my desires or prayers. What I have is what I have been given and I will take it to my grave.
Second to cross my mind was flashes of all the times wanting to be female coursed through my veins and I realized there was a recurring pattern. Much like a dragon from a fantasy story, this desire will rise up from its restless sleep and reign terror all over the unsuspecting land, upsetting lives and destroying everything in sight. Then one day, for what seems to be no reason at all, it would return to its hidden lair and fall to sleep once more. At first all anyone can think about is the dragon and if it will return but as time passes fears turn to stories, then legends, and then myth until it passes from memory all together…
Until the dragon awakes once more.
This last time, which has been going on for years now, is the longest I have struggled with the beast… then again, I have been constantly poking at it with a sharp stick.
Maybe not the smartest decision I ever made.