Dating exclusion and genital preferences are a broad and controversial topic, so get yourself a drink and get comfortable because we’re going to get real uncomfortable. It seems like folks are doing a lot of hand-wringing about whether it’s more or less obligatory to include trans folks in your dating pool or if excluding us makes you a bad person.
And to that, I say, “wrong question.” We keep having this argument in comments sections and blogs. If we’re going to talk about genital preferences and trans-exclusionary attitudes in dating, we can’t do this halfway. This isn’t as simple a topic as it gets made out to be on the internet. Our mantras about trans women being women and trans men being men aren’t there to help make anything better.
Can we be honest, cis folks? Have you ever said “trans women are women” in the comments section and had a person turn around and go, “wow, I never thought of it like that?” No. Because you’re not saying that to help trans people. If we’re honest, you’re saying that to help you. It’s a performance you put on. So, here’s the deal. If you want to keep doing that song and dance, you can. Have at it. If you’re interested in understanding and thinking about this conversation differently, let’s talk.