(Violence, Bullying, Discrimination)
What is depicted in the film is fairly benign, yet I know even small things can be a trigger.
An older story but still relevant.
Iconic Former Child Star Shirley Temple Black Dead at 85
Shirley Temple Black, who was one of the most iconic child stars of the 20th century, has died. She was 85.
The dimpled actress found fame at the height of the Great Depression in movies including “Heidi,” “Curly Top” and “Bright Eyes” and later served as U.S. ambassador to Ghana and Czechoslovakia.
Temple Black died of natural causes Monday at her home in Woodside, Calif., her publicist confirmed to NBC News early Tuesday.
Full Story Here
THE HARE AND THE TORTOISE: One of Aesop’s Fables
A Hare was making fun of the Tortoise one day for being so slow.
“Do you ever get anywhere?” he asked with a mocking laugh.
“Yes,” replied the Tortoise, “and I get there sooner than you think. I’ll run you a race and prove it.”
The Hare was much amused at the idea of running a race with the Tortoise, but for the fun of the thing he agreed. So the Fox, who had consented to act as judge, marked the distance and started the runners off.
The Hare was soon far out of sight, and to make the Tortoise feel very deeply how ridiculous it was for him to try a race with a Hare, he lay down beside the course to take a nap until the Tortoise should catch up.
The Tortoise meanwhile kept going slowly but steadily, and, after a time, passed the place where the Hare was sleeping. But the Hare slept on very peacefully; and when at last he did wake up, the Tortoise was near the goal. The Hare now ran his swiftest, but he could not overtake the Tortoise in time.
Sometimes we need the reminder of a simple lesson.
Source: Project Gutenberg
I try to think back to when I was a child, what did I think my future would be like? I know some of my hopes for the future weren’t the same as many of my classmates. I couldn’t wait to turn thirteen, thinking my dad wouldn’t hit me any more, then wanting to be eighteen so I could move out on my own.
I remember wanting to be an artist, to make my living creating beautiful works on paper and canvas. At one point I wanted to be a game designer and work for a company such as TSR where ‘Dungeons & Dragons’ reigned supreme.
There were other dreams which came and went over the years but there is one instance which still stands out in my mind, and it may be this which define so many years of my life. In the early eighties I thought about the turning of the century which would happen in my lifetime. Thinking I would be thirty four… and in a moment of chilled silence I thought,
“I won’t be alive.”
I didn’t know when but I knew beyond doubt I would be dead by my own hand before the clock struck midnight and closed out the twentieth century.
Jump ahead a few years and it almost proved to be a self fulfilling prophecy. Laying there wondering if I had just made things worse than I could have imagined, wondering if I would ever be able to move again, I still couldn’t see myself at thirty. Thinking about it was on par with thinking about eternity. Being enveloped by this feeling of a vast emptiness, cold and silent, stretching away to infinity. It was mind numbing.
Now we know more of the story. I didn’t die that night nor was I paralyzed, though I deserved to be. I eventually got up and moved on…
Yet I think I left a part of me back there, on the couch and it has taken me until now to find a way to repair the damage I did. Until now I was a ghost. An apparition passing from one day to the next, flitting through one person’s life after another, leaving no trace of my passage.
Some might call it sleepwalking, but it was more. It was deeper and troubling in a way I cannot describe to wake each day and not know the date. To have little or no memory of the days and weeks just past.
I have likened it to being on autopilot. The punchline to a bad joke…
Breath in, breath out.
Yet this is really all I did.
My body was alive but my heart was dead. I had lost any semblance of purpose. There were no dreams, no goals, no hopes. Just an endless fog which turned the world into an infinite field of grey.
For those who have been following along, you know things have changed. It has been a long and difficult journey to reach the point where I am now. Yet it is still a fragile thing. So many years of conditioning. So many ingrained habits, all nothing but a bid at surviving just one more day… one more night… one more hour.
These are difficult things to undo. A Gordian Knot of mythical proportions.
There are times, such as today, when I find some remnant of those no so far gone days rises up like a fire ant nest when it’s been kicked and it flares out of my control. It is brief, a lightning flash, then gone leaving behind as nasty afterglow burned into my sight. The regret a rolling thunder shaking the very foundations under my feet.
I have traveled far in so many ways, yet my shadow still follows me, lingering just out of sight, waiting for a chance to pounce and engulf me at the slightest sign of weakness.
Old habits. Old regrets.
They hang in my closet like an out of date leisure suit, waiting for all of the new clothes to be used.
This isn’t an easy thing to shrug off, or disregard. When I find myself in this place I just want to crawl away and hide. It leads me to doubting myself, to doubting what I think and feel.
It leads to statements like one I said today;
“You can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig.”
I hate to admit all of the times I feel like this… just a pig in lipstick.